Last Place You Look

Chapter 35

I pushed myself off his lap as quickly as I could and just walked away.

"I think I want to marry you one day, Charlie."

We'd just moved in together like, two months ago and he's talking about getting married. He wants to get married and I freaked out for two weeks about whether or not to live with him. He'd officially taken a step without me. And this was arguably one of the biggest steps two people in a relationship could take.

I felt bad for walking away, knowing he probably felt like shit, but my brain literally couldn't comprehend how he could just drop something like that one me. I thought back to Kimmy and Dustin's wedding though, and his question made sense now. 

I sat in my thoughts until Harry's soft voice pulled me from them. "Do you ever think about what your wedding will be like?" I pulled my head from his shoulder to look at him, but he was looking where I had been moments ago - at Kimmy and Dustin. I followed his stare to see them with their foreheads pressed together. I could see their lips moving, whether they were singing or talking would remain a mystery. The only thing of importance was how in love and happy they looked with each other. They looked like they were in their own world, like they were the only two in the room.

Harry looked down to me with a puzzled look on his face, awaiting an answer.

"Not really, if I'm being honest. I've never really fit into that stereotype. I didn't think I'd live passed the age 21, let alone get married. Tomorrow isn't promised so I just kind of stopped planning that far ahead."

He didn't say anything else, but wrapped his arm tighter around my waist, leaving no room for me to move. It almost felt like he thought I would disappear if he held me any looser. He kept his cheek pressed to the side of my head and hummed softly to the music we danced to.

Had that been about me? Was he asking me if I'd ever thought about marrying him?

What the fuck do I do with this?

I ended up in our bedroom, not knowing where else to go. I had closed the door behind me. My body tense the second I heard it open.

"Why the fuck did you leave? Did I say something wrong?" I turned to look at him, completely bewildered.

"You just told me you want to marry me. You just dropped the biggest bomb you could ever drop on me." I was suddenly feeling very sober, but so very sick at the same time.

"Should I not have said that? Would you rather me lie and tell you that I don't want to marry you?" He sat down on the bed, while I continued to pace around the room.

"You can say whatever you want, Harry. But I don't think making bold confessions of that caliber while you're hammered is ever a good idea. Especially not while I'm drunk too."

"So you don't want to marry me?" His voice sounded so hurt. It was like a little kid was getting scolded for something their sibling did but not being able to tattle on them.

"I don't know? I've never considered it. That's a really big thing."

"So you've never even thought about marrying me?" His voice cracked a little. He coughed to try and cover it up. I could feel him looking at me with those puppy dog eyes that he usually gave me when he wanted something, but it was different this time. He was asking for something I didn't know if I could promise him.

"I told you that I don't plan that far ahead." I got up the courage to look at him. Tears brimmed his eyes and they were turning red, accentuating the green of his iris. "Baby, please don't cry. I've never thought about marrying anyone. It's not just because it's you, I promise. I love you so much. You just caught me off guard."