Last Place You Look

Chapter 17

I let him unclasp my bra and the straps fell from my shoulders, kissing them gently as he did. His fingers trailed down my skin, leaving goosebumps behind. He pushed my underwear down my legs and pulled me close.

It wasn't a sexual manner either. He wasn't focused on getting me off, rather focused on being a safe space when my mind could be.

He took off his boxers and held my hand to the tub. He got in first, helping me in so I didn't slip and we sat down together. The warm water blanketed us, keeping us safe within the confines of the porcelain. 

My back was against his chest and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He just held me.

"I know there's a lot you don't tell me. You lose yourself in your head a lot and I never know what you're thinking, but that's okay. I know you're still working through everything he did, how he treated you, but you'll never have to live like that again. He's gone, and now it's just us. I'll never ask you to tell me what's going on, but I hope that one day you'll trust me enough to let me in."

His voice was soft and unaccusing in my ear. He stayed quiet, letting me think. This was the first chance I'd had since I came home that I could take in my surroundings.

There was soft music playing in the background. It was "Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones. The softness of the music settled in my soul as her voice echoed through the room

My dad used to sing this song to my mom a lot when I was younger. He's a horrible singer, but she never cared. Once when I was sixteen or seventeen, I had gone downstairs late at night for water and I stumbled in on them dancing in the kitchen to the sound of him humming to her. It was incredibly offkey, but she had the most content smile on her face. It was a beautiful sight to see.

Harry hummed along with the music. It was subtle. If you weren't paying attention, you wouldn't hear it. I'd never heard him sing before, but he hummed a lot, especially when he was happy. I was happy too.

I let my head rest against his shoulder and he placed a kiss against the part of my jaw he could reach. I looked at the corner of the tub where it meets the wall to see a bottle of wine and two glasses. The bottle was open and waiting to be poured.

"Did you bring this wine in here just to let it sit?" I picked up my head and turned it to look at him.

"No, I just wasn't sure if you'd want some since you've been out all day. I thought the option would be nice though. Is this you saying you want a glass?" I nodded slowly.

He reached for the glasses, placing them both in my hands. He grabbed the bottle of wine and poured some in each glass, setting the bottle down and taking a glass from me.

We drank in silence. He only took a sip when I did, keeping the atmosphere wherever I set it. We didn't talk for a while. I just closed my eyes and let Harry's soft hums take up every spare bit of space in my brain.

Kimmy's words from this morning replayed through my head on a continuous loop.

"he doesn't have control over you anymore. He does not matter."

"he doesn't have control over you anymore. He does not matter."

"he doesn't have control over you anymore. He does not matter."

I know he didn't matter anymore. I hadn't seen him since I was 20. I'd completely cut everything that could remind me of him out of my life. Clothes, pictures, even people. God, that had been the worst part. But doing so had cut a piece of me out as well, and it left me a fraction of the person I could have been.