Last Place You Look

Chapter 26

It felt like I'd been holding my breath for the last week. I didn't remember going to bed the night my parents called. I assumed Harry brought me. I didn't go to work either. I think he'd called Kira too and she probably said not to expect me. I don't think he went to work this week either. I don't remember him leaving my side unless he had to.

It'd been a week since my mom had called me to tell me that my grandma had died. My grandpa had found her when he went to wake her up from her nap. She didn't wake up. And now I felt like I wouldn't either.

We were at my parent's house this weekend. I stood in the window of my bedroom and watched Harry outside as he grabbed our bags from the car. He came back up a couple minutes later. I didn't really remember the drive. I think I slept for most of it.

"Are you hungry? Your mom is cooking downstairs. Malakai will be here soon too." I hadn't turned away from the window but I shook my head. I'd completely lost my appetite. I ate enough to keep my body alive and that's only when Harry insisted. Like he did now.

"I really think you should eat, love. You haven't eaten since last night."

He was right, and I knew he was. Eating felt wrong when there were bigger things happening. It felt unimportant. But he'd been so great this week, at least the parts I could remember. This wasn't something we'd talked about before and I knew we'd have to talk about it eventually. I just didn't know how. So I obliged by his request and nodded shortly. I took his outstretched hand and walked down the stairs with him.

He pulled my chair out for me and my mom put a plate of her veggie bake in front of me along with a class of water. She made my favorite meal. She and Harry disappeared around the corner. I could hear them talking, but I didn't have to to know it was about me. I let my head turn to hear a bit better, not feeling guilty about listening in.

"How's she doing?" She was trying to be quiet, not wanting me to hear. But I could hear the concern mixed with her own sadness.

"I have no clue. She's barely talked all week. I have to practically force food down her throat. She's completely spaced. I've never seen her do this before. I have no clue what's going on or what to do." I heard my mom sigh.

"She's dissociating. Has she not told you? I thought you knew about he-who-must-not-be-named. I thought she told you?"

"She did. She didn't tell me a lot about what happened after she came home though. I just want her to be okay but I have no fucking clue what do to. It's been a week. How long does this last? What do I do?" His questions kept coming after that, but they started to blur together. I left her to explain what was needed.

"You need to breathe, harry. I know how scary this is, but she needs you to be as calm as you can be, okay? I can't say how long this will last though... This is a really big trigger for her, understandably. It takes as long as it takes. She'll come back when she's ready to. We just have to be there when she does."

"I don't know how to just sit here while she's suffering by herself. I hate watching this." His voice sounded choked. He was crying.

"She'll be okay, Harry. She's a lot stronger than she thinks. We just need to be there for each other, and that includes you. Losing Grandma hasn't been easy and it's not going to be for a long time. Family is important and she decided you're part of it now. We're here for you too, dear."

I stopped listening when they started talking about her. I didn't want to hear anything about her. I wasn't ready. It hadn't sank in yet that tomorrow was her funeral. We would bury her tomorrow and then I would never see her again.

Harry came back in the room. He looked at my untouched plate of food and crouched next to me. He put his hand on my thigh and I looked at him for what felt like the first time since last week. Surely it hadn't been though? I couldn't keep looking though. He was looking at me like everyone looked at me when I woke up in the hospital. He looked at me like I would break if he wasn't careful enough.