Last Place You Look

Chapter 50

The sound of my alarm was the bane of my existence. Today was the last day I would ever see my dad in person. The funeral home we'd chosen was closer to my parent's house, so we had a bit of a drive.

Harry and I took a quick shower before waking my mom up. Once I got her in the shower, I set out her dress, shoes, and makeup like Harry had done for me when my grandma died. I called the funeral home to make sure everything was in order and that he was ready.

Harry and I got ready in silence. I knocked on my mom's door to check on her and opened it slowly. She was sitting on the bed in a towel with her dress in her hands. I leaned against the door and watched her look at it.

"He loved whenever I wore this dress, you know? He bought it for me thinking I would hate it, and I did at first. I thought it was so ugly and looked so bad on me the first time I tried it on, but the look on his face when I showed it to him is what made me love it."

"I remember. He used hit on you like he'd never met you every time you wore it around the house. I remember this one day he tried to kiss you because you were wearing it and you ran. He ended up chasing you around the house in it. I think that's part of the reason I chose it. He would have loved for you to wear it today.

"He would have. Thank you for picking it."

"I'll let you get dressed. Do you want me to do your makeup? I could do it like I used to when we had Saturday dates, if you'd like. I could do your hair too."

"I'd like that, bug, thank you." I left her in the room to get dressed. She called me back a few minutes later. I blow dried her hair for her and pinned it back. Her hair was naturally wavy like mine, so I left it. He always liked when she left her hair wavy.

We sat cross legged on the bed, just like we used to when I was a teenager while I did her makeup. She kept her eyes closed the entire time, just like I used to when she would do my makeup. When I was done, I grabbed her sun necklace from the nightstand and put it on for her.

"He really hit the nail on the head with these necklaces. You've got a good one, bug."

"I really do." I pulled her hair out of the chair and let it rest on her back. "You look beautiful, Momma."

"I think I'm gonna sit outside for a bit. It's a pretty morning."

"Alright. I'll come get you when Harry and I are ready to go." We walked out of the room together. I stopped outside the bathroom door and watched her walk outside. I knocked, knowing Harry was behind the closed door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." I heard him sniffle and gave him a second before I opened the door. He was fiddling with his tie. He kept his eyes on himself in the mirror. His eyes were sad and I was sure he was crying before I came in. "I can't get it." Stress poured from his mouth.

"Lemme do it." He undid whatever the hell he had done and turned to me so I could do it. "It's okay if you cry, you know. I know you've been hiding it, but I don't want you to. If I can cry in front of you, I want you to be able to cry in front of me." I finished his knot and smoothed his tie down his chest.

"I'm trying to be strong for you. Because that was my role when your grandma died and I need to do that for your dad too. I promised him I would always be there for you and take care of you. I'll be damned if I break that promise, especially now that he's gone."

"You crying and being sad or angry doesn't mean you're not being strong for me. You don't have to be anything for me at all. You were a lot closer with my dad than my grandma, I know that. Her dying didn't affect you as much as him dying has. And that's okay. Don't stop taking care of yourself to take care of me, Harry. Grieving him isn't breaking your promise. We can take care of each other while we take care of ourselves."