#ThisChurch

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by hghrules

by hghrules

#ThisChurch

Omigosh, this church. XD

Pastor: And number seven of the top ten things women say during labor... 'No, really, I have to poop!' Yeah, I-I'm sorry, I couldn't think of any ways to relate that to Christianity...

Congregation: *bursts out laughing*

Pastor: *laughs with them and leans over the podium, clutching his stomach* O-Oh gosh, I-I'm so sorry...

*later*

Pastor: So the cowboy and his group of townspeople were out of provisions – they were starving, dehydrated. Then they came upon a Rabbi sitting under a tree. They asked, “Sir, do you know of any place nearby providing food and water?”

Pastor: The Rabbi says, “Ah, yes, if you go over that hill, you will find something – but don't, don't go, for there is a bacontree.”

Pastor: And the cowboy couldn't find anything wrong with a bacontree, so he and his group went over the hill. They were immediately attacked by Indians – everyone was slaughtered, everyone but the cowboy. The cowboy ran back over the hill to the Rabbi and said, “I thought you said there was food over there!”

Pastor: The Rabbi's eyes widened, and he took out his Hebrew to English dictionary. After flipping through it for a while, he said, “Oh no, I've made a grave mistake... I did not mean 'bacontree,' I mean 'hambush.'

GET IT?

LIKE AN AMBUSH

BUT A HAMBUSH

Then this couple came up on stage advertising a marriage counseling.

Husband: We've been married for thirty-seven and a half years.

*congregation cheers for them*

Wife: And, yeah, sometimes we bicker.

Husband: We don't bicker.

Wife: Yes we do.

Husband: No we don't.

Wife: … Yes, we do.

Husband: … I'm sorry, dear, you're right.

They went on for twenty minutes just being incredibly funny.

Notch, I love this church.