Lost and Fallen (Memories #1)

Chapter 44

Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong ibig sabihin ni Phase. Is he sick? Or he was depress? What does he mean of him fighting his own monster? May kaaway ba siya or he use a figurative speech for that? I've known him for so long at mukhang okay naman siya or talagang hindi ko pa lubusang kilala siya? Baka dati iyon pero sa tagal kong nawala ay alam kung may mga bagay na hindi ko na alam tungkol sa kaniya. Kahit noon hindi naman ako nanghihimasok sa buhay niya.

Pero wala akong maisip na pwedeng maging problema niya sa ngayon. I know him as someone who is silent but cocky,he likes to tease people but he knows when to take serious.  Sa kanila ni Zryll mas palasalita siya at mas maayos ang social life. His family is rich and he quite not interested getting into relationship kaya I bet he's not stress out about that.

For the next days, I expect that he would ignore me but he didn't. He was casual as he quietly sat at my back and asked questions about the lesson he miss for the past months. Sinagot ko naman siya nang maayos.

It weirded me out that he acts as if everything about us is normal, as if we never had confrontation that day.

"Phase about yesterday I..."

Hindi ko pa natatapos ang sasabihin ko tumayo siya at sinikop sa kamay ang mga papel na sinulatan niya. He look at me with weary eyes and wave the paper on his hand.

"I'll pass this one. You want me to pass yours too?"

Kumurap kurap ako.

"ugh, yeah" sabay abot ko nang papel ko sa kaniya.

"Thanks" I said.

He shrugged as he slid his phone inside his pants before he went to Barbie. Kinuha rin ang papel nito.

I followed him with my eyes, later on I heaved a  deep sigh.

His action loudly speaks that he don't want us to talk about it. it's fine with me and besides I don't want to pick a fight with him. I understand if he choose to act this way, gusto ko man siyang tanungin kung okay lang ba siya ay hindi ko magawa dahil baka lumampas ako sa guhit nang pagkakaibigan naming dalawa. I don't want him to point out that I was pushing him away with my problems, na ayokong pinahihimasukan niya ang buhay ko. That's why I feel guilty, it makes me feel like I have no right too to middle his life too.

But I hope he shut his mouth. Hindi niya naman siguro ako papangunahan diba? Sana respetuhin niya ang nagging desisiyon ko.

Although everything seems fine right now, my mind is still in chaos. I couln't find the peace that I eagerly seek and prayed. I wonder why I feel this way? maayos naman ang pakikitungo naming dalawa ni Phase, Ganoon rin sa bahay at wala namang kaming pagtatalo na ni Asyo. Sa katunayan tanging sa kaniya lang talaga ako nakakahinga nang maayos, nagiging maluwag ang isip ko kapag kasama ko siya at parang bulang lumalaho lahat nang agam-agam ko kapag nakikita ko na siya .

We always see each other at sa tuwing nagkikita kami ay lagi niyang pinapaalala sa akin ang lakad namin sa Sabado.

Kumunot ang noo ko at bumagal ang pagnguya sa bigay niyang pineapple tart. My eyes narrowed and look at him suspisciously. Anong meron sa sabado?

"What" he asked right after he notice my stare.

"What's with Saturday?"

Kumunot rin ang noo niya sa akin na parang ang tanga ko sa tanong na iyon.

"I told you already."

Ngumuso pa ako at mas naningkit ang mata sa kaniya. Hindi ko magawang madugtungan pa ang tanong dahil sa puno ang bibig matapos lamunin ang natirang tart sa kamay ko pero hindi ko naman hinayaan kumawala ang mapanuring tingin ko sa kaniya.