laconic | sᴀᴛᴏsᴇʀᴇ

39. 》》 Finifugal

❝(adj.) wanting to prolong the final moments of a story, relationship, or some other journey.❞

I couldn't grasp it until now, when my sights got blurry with tears, that my lungs refused to take in any oxygen yet again. No, it wasn't another panic attack -- just an overthrow; an entrancing gust of emotions that suddenly dissolved the rest of the world in its blooming candyfloss flavor, and left me in this inresolved debris of nonstop tears.

My fingers trembled as I switched the phone off and distressfully caged my head in clammy palms - somber eyes stretched and absentmindedly pinned at the corner of my room.

The feels in that merely ten minute voice clip had my heart galloping - as though it would break free from chest and land in front of me any moment. What was supposed to happen next? What was I supposed to do next? Did he really deserve a second chance, or perhaps my thoughts are juiced up by the flow of emotions?

No one but him could give the answers, And there wasn't a way I'd catch sleep without culminating this hanging saga of ours.

Juggling with emotions and collecting myself, I turned the nightlamp on and let out a deep sigh before settling my feet on the cold hardwood floor of the room. Subconsciously slipping a hand under my pillow, I felt the diary's worn-out leather and instantly pulled it out, running a thumb over its rusty nameplate as a faintest of watery smiles made its on my lips.

I had forever been lurking in the shadows of morals, of that quiet but still hearable voice of logic in my head - and I always believed that the ones who sail close to the wind would eventually get dragged in -- which won't end up well. What I didn't spot here was the fact that remaining parallel to the winds was the only way you could fly, fly across the glory of voluminous clouds. And with my eyes still on the ground, I don't think I could witness how vast the sky in reality was.

For once in my shrinkingly-lived life, I was taking a decision that was based off on my instincts: this tingly, gutsy feeling.

And it was still an anomaly how some other person makes you do a thing that you yourself didn't ever envision doing.

But was I really sure?