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BLURB:
Amara and her family leave Louisiana after a massacre killed her father. Her pack, the Oniji, has been hunted by The White Claw since their forced arrival in the 1700s. The Oniji, a small pack from West Africa, is the only one in the world that harnesses the power of witchcraft. Now in the small town of Mahigan, Amara and her family seek refuge in hopes of escaping their persecution.
Huritt, the alpha of the Apisi, grapples with a new drug outbreak within his pack. The drug, Ice, is a hallucinogen that makes users unable to control when they shift. He must now find a way to control the outbreak before the damages are beyond repair.
However, when Amara opens a bakery across the street from Huritt's office, she slowly falls for the charming alpha. It is easy to see that their affection expands past trivial love at first sight, but with all that is at stake, is following her heart worth the risk?
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YOUR COVER: (8/10) I enjoyed the color scheme you used for the cover. Your title was able to stand out, and your cover was very neat/professional looking. I'd say that the photo used is on the duller side, so if you can, I suggest focusing on the filters of the photo, and experimenting with how to crop it to appeal with the title placement. Otherwise, I had a good first impression with your cover!
YOUR TITLE: (10/10) I definitely enjoyed your title! It was easy to remember and represented your story (especially the fact that it was a werewolf story). I also found the title charming, and it intrigued me further along with the cover. Well done!
YOUR BLURB: (3/5) From reading your blurb, I found several things wrong with it. You had a few grammatical errors, such as your tense slip-ups. It seems like you're trying to set this blurb in present tense, but you accidentally switched some words into past tense, such as "killed," which should be "kills." Along with that, you included unnecessary information. The reader does not need to know the history of the Oniji pack. That means they don't care when the pack arrived, where they came from, or how the massacre happened. That is what the actual story is for. The main points here are that after a massacre that kills her father, Amara's family leaves Louisiana to seek refuge in the small town of Mahigan. There, she meets Alpha Huritt, who is struggling to control a drug outbreak in his pack. When Amara opens a bakery right across Huritt's office, love begins to bloom. Those are the main points you should stick to, meaning you should remove any information that can be explained later. If you expose too much information to potential readers, it may be hard for them to absorb. That's why I advise making it as simple as possible. Chances are, if they're browsing through other stories among your own, and if you don't hook them with the first sentence, they're leaving.
YOUR HOOK: (4/5) Right off the bat, you set the mood of the story. I was able to visualize the setting and get a taste for your writing capabilities. All in all, it was a great start to your story. However, you had some grammatical errors that caught my eye. I'll explain this further in your chapter reviews.
