Dreaming Alone | taekook ✔️

s e v e n t y - s i x

Have you searched for something deeper out of fear that life's a lonely road?
Have you roamed the darkest corners of the earth until you're just a ghost?

paralyzed
~ atc

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Jeongguk sat cross-legged at the edge of the mattress, fingers skimming over the bumps and dents on the wall, finding something to distract himself from the intensity of Taehyung's eyes. His toes curled, color swirling in his cheeks.

"Stop staring," He whispered.

"Stop being so cute," Taehyung replied.

The ravenette crawled back into his arms like a lost pup and left a few soft kisses on Taehyung's neck. "We're not talking," He noted aloud.

"We aren't." The brunette rested his hand on Jeongguk's tummy. "Where do we begin?"

"I went to Jimin's earlier today," Jeongguk started, relaxing against his boyfriend, "I went looking for Carter... cause he uh— started the fire."

Taehyung's jaw went slack. "He what?"

"Yeah. I guess I was kinda hoping he'd confess by himself and at least apologize to you and your family. But he left."

"He left?"

"He was gone." Jeongguk shrugged. "Jimin said he called his mom and asked to be picked up. The counselors are obligated to let campers leave if they want to. So he did."

Taehyung scoffed. "We can still tell on him," He mused.

"We can," Jeongguk echoed.

But with one exchanged look, they both knew they were too sick and tired of the boy to act on it. He was gone and they didn't want to maul over him anymore.

"I'll tell my mom and Jin," Taehyung decided, "They're victims too. So if they choose to do something about it, they will."

Jeongguk hummed his agreement, hand sliding over the brunette's on his stomach. "I think Jimin hates me."

Taehyung furrowed his eyebrows.

"He was just— acting all distant and unwelcoming. Wanted me out of the room as soon as I stepped in."

"You think he's mad that Carter left?"

"I don't know."

The brunette sucked in a breath. "I had a dream about Carter... and you," He revealed.

Taehyung went on to describe what he saw, adding little details of dialogue and bringing up bad memories Jeongguk had buried to the back of his mind. The night danced along with the sprechstimme of the brunette's velvety voice, and Jeongguk would too if he wasn't so afraid of the past.

"And you pushed him." Taehyung nuzzled his ear when he sensed the ravenette stiffening in his arms. "Bambi?"

Jeongguk could still smell the chlorine from the pool and feel the puddles under his feet. It was arguably the second most vivid image in his head— after the scene of his mother's death, so deeply ingrained in remorse.

"Can I be honest?" The ravenette asked quietly.

"That's exactly why we're having this conversation, Jeongguk." Taehyung laughed and squeezed his waist, the skin near his eyes crinkling.

The ravenette offered a wisp of a smile that barely lasted a second before his next words. "I don't... I don't think I ever loved him."

"Carter?"

"Mhm. Cause when I look at you now..." He drifted off. Jeongguk reached out and outlined Taehyung's jawline with a gentle downstroke of a finger. "and compare the feelings I have towards you to the ones I shared with Carter... It's... different."

"I'm better," Taehyung said with a cheeky grin.

Another smile tugged at Jeongguk's lips. "Carter was someone I could rely on. He gave me the rush and excitement of having a crush. I liked having someone's eyes on me. I liked that someone cared about me. And he did."

The brunette cocked his head to the side. "But you like having my eyes on you too. What's different?"

"The difference is that it was one-sided. Looking back, I really had nothing to offer Carter. Sure maybe once in a while I did his homework or I went to his football games but I don't think I was ever there for him emotionally." Jeongguk gestured to himself and Taehyung. "Look at us having a nice open conversation about our feelings— you'd never catch me doing that with Carter. He listened to my troubles but I don't remember ever listening to his. I didn't give back."

"You were young, Bambi. You didn't know."

"I was— I mean, so are we right now." He chortled. "But I'm committed to you and our relationship. I'm more sure of it. It's not some kind of fling— it's the real deal."

Taehyung beamed, bending forward to leave a quick peck on the ravenette's lips that sent the boy's cheeks ablaze.

"Tell me what happened after the pool incident," He encouraged.

"My mom—" Jeongguk's voice tilted at the mention of his mother and Taehyung squeezed him again, providing comfort like he always does. "She had to save him cause he couldn't swim. And I got the scolding of my life from both my coach and my mom."

"Was that how you got kicked off the team?" The brunette asked.

"Yup," Jeongguk answered with forced cheer, "But then again, I didn't really care. I cared more about the fact that I betrayed Carter and I was too ashamed to do anything about it."

"So?"

"So I stopped talking to him altogether." The ravenette hid his face in Taehyung's neck, humiliated by the decisions he made as an immature teenager. "I ignored his texts, avoided him in class, at lockers. I didn't apologize. Nope. Nothing. Technically we never even broke up because we never spoke again."

"He's bitter about it," The brunette concluded.

"He must be. And I guess— when my mom drowned, it was like the tables turned. I almost drowned him, you know."

"That doesn't give him the right to light my cabin on fire though. That doesn't give him the right to meddle with our relationship— to bully you."

"I know. It doesn't."

Conflicting feelings lingered in the air around them, soaking in the new perspective of the blonde. Pity or disdain? Sympathy or contempt?

He fled from his crimes, but they were birthed out of things he couldn't control.

"Thank you for sharing," Taehyung murmured, sounding overly formal but meaning every word, "I know you never thought of telling anyone this."

"I should've told you earlier."

"We should've talked earlier."

And that was one of the many things Jeongguk adored about Taehyung. He was willing to see his faults and share responsibility.

"Jeongguk."

His name fell so delicately from Taehyung's lips.

"How in love are you with me?"

__________

zero. nothing. not in love.
this book was a scam, tae, did you just notice? smh