f o r t y - e i g h t

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I take off my armour when you love me harder
All my defences come down

sweet surrender
~ atc

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Jeongguk swore his mind went blank.

Perhaps it was the adrenaline that polluted his mind with false courage. He couldn't utter a word when the brunette asked for their destination. There's an embargo on the thoughts traveling from his brain to his mouth; an iron grip on his tongue.

His feet moved on their own, one in front of the other and repeat.

"Jeongguk?"

There's evident worry in Taehyung's voice as he trailed next to him, unsure of his intentions.

When they reached the end of the concrete road, Jeongguk was haste with kicking off his shoes and pulling off his socks. He motioned for the brunette to do the same.

Taehyung stared up at his boyfriend, who had boldly stepped onto the sand. His jaw was set, the muscle on his neck pulsing. Taehyung wanted to climb into the pretty ravenette's head and sought out his untidy thoughts.

Cause he knew, very well, that the beach terrified him, yet here Jeongguk stood.

Why?

"What are you doing, Bambi?" Taehyung asked with knitted eyebrows.

It seemed like Jeongguk was too choked up to answer, so instead he grabbed the other's hand and led him along, discarding their shoes under a bench.

Taehyung was suddenly very aware that Jeongguk was striding towards the shore.

"Woah woah woah hey—" The brunette jumped in front of him. "What are you doing?"

"Tryna be brave."

Every grain of sand dug into the soles of his feet like needles and the smell of salt flooded Jeongguk's airway with bad memories.

Speechless, Taehyung let Jeongguk pull him along, but there was resistance— perhaps his boyfriend instincts telling him to keep the ravenette far away from any body of water. Jeongguk noticed.

"It's okay," The ravenette told him, "Trust me. I'm okay."

"I..."

I don't want you to have another panic attack. I don't want you to feel scared or unsafe.

"It's okay," Jeongguk insisted, "You're with me." He squeezed his hand.

How is it that Taehyung was the one being reassured right now?

The ravenette took them to the far end of the beach, where no one was near, no children's wails or adults' chatter, a few feet away from the shoreline rocks.

"Jeongguk," Taehyung whispered in a warning tone.

The ravenette strode closer to the edge, his heart thumping. The water brushed against his toes and instantly a familiar wave of panic consumed his chest.

Mom. Drowning. Pendant. Pendant.

Jeongguk reached for it, but found Taehyung's fingers instead.

He didn't have his pendant, but at least he had Taehyung's hand to hold.

Suddenly, with a burst of newfound energy, he waddled into the water, the temperature washing over him like a cold sweat, and he squeezed his eyes shut, hollering his lungs out.

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