The Late Night Travel {KamiJiro}

Chapter 28: I'm Sorry

Chapters 28-29 will contain some heavy topic that might be sensitive to some viewers. Please proceed with caution!

*Kaminari*

Rain fell outside my dorm window, quietly at first then harder. The sky was nothing but gloom and clouds. I was back at UA, but it wasn't the same any longer. With her gone, it made me feel broken. Torn down. How could I have let this happen!?!

Even when I looked up at the sky I was reminded of Jiro. She used to love the rain. To play her music when it was even the lightest drizzle or mist. Her smile....

It all seemed like too much for me at the moment. I felt like there was nothing I could do except just stare out my window and watch the rain fall. There wasn't much I wanted to do anyways. The one who mattered most to be was gone. She was dead.

And I failed to protect her.

My classmates came by my room to check on me often. I don't know why they did it. It wasn't like I was planning on coming out for a while anyways. All I wanted, all I needed, was some time alone.

I think they felt guilty for me. New couples had returned since they spent all that time together. It only made sense and it made them open up.

Everyone else's project went great except for our. I still got that extra credit but now I didn't care for those points anymore. How could I?

Right now, the world felt empty to me. Too empty I almost couldn't bare it. My mind felt like it was going to burst! It was going to explode if I didn't do something about it soon.

I felt guilt.

I felt sadness.

I felt despair.

I felt anger.

I felt regret.

I felt empty.

I felt useless.

I felt hopeless.

I felt lost.

All I wanted was for the world to disappear. Maybe I could disappear with it. Maybe these tears would stop running down my cheek. I might feel better. Maybe....

My knees hit the ground. My hands were over my head thinking that if I held it tightly it'd feel better. No work did that do.

Thunder clashed outside my window, so loud that it made my heart jump. The rain started coming down harder each passing second. Nothing made progress, it just got worse. Like how my life would be.

I hugged my knees close to my chest and dug my face inside. I'll admit, for the first week after her death I was in denial. I pretended she wasn't dead. I pretended that she was just at the store, in her room, visiting her parents. I pretended she was just busy with something else and not dead.

I'm such a fool!

I'm a coward, too. I'm too weak to protect anyone here. I can't even keep my quirk working for long without acting all damn woozy! All I am is someone who pretended the person he cared about the most isn't dead, just busy.

BUSY!!

WAHT KIND OF PERSON AM I?!?!

My fist banged against my bed frame. I hit it again and again until it hurt so much that it became numb. Finally I stopped and proceeded back to crying alone in a room so dark the only thing lighting it is the storm brewing outside.

After a few minutes, an a eerie feeling washed over me. It felt like arms were being wrapped around me in an embrace. I wanted to stand up from it and bat at whatever was there, but it felt so comforting. I cried into their arms more than I was before.

Someone was here that I couldn't see, only feel. But this presence was so comforting that I gave in completely and blurted everything out.

"I- I miss her so much! It was all my fault and I pretended that she wasn't dead. I was in denial and I was just too scared to admit that she's dead. I miss her s-so much...." 

Jiro, I started saying inside my head. I'm sorry.

*Jiro*

I had wrapped Kaminari into my embrace which made him cry even more. Whether this was the right choice or not, I wasn't about to second guess. I wanted to stay here, my arms wrapped around his body.

His tears were painful to watch, especially since I was the person who made him like this. He kept blaming himself for my death and it made me feel a deep feeling of guilt. It wasn't his fault, none of it was.

And yet, here he was. On the ground, a big sobbing mess, blaming himself.

My arms tighten around him once more before I knew it was time to leave. My death wish now is for him not to feel any guilt or bad things because of me. But I'm already dead so I'm too late to make that wish.

I was about to head back out when I heard a knocking at his door. He got up, splashed water in his face and hair, and went to answer his door.

"Kaminari-?" Uraraka stood in his doorframe, confused about his wet hair. "Why is your hair wet?"

"Shower," he said, so plainly like he wasn't just sobbing his eyes out a few seconds ago. "Why you here?"

She had seemed to forget for a moment until the reason popped back into her head. "Oh! I- I thought you might've wanted to see this." From her pocket she grabbed a piece of folded paper. My paper.

"Is- what is this?"

"They wanted to clean out Jiro's room and when we were, we found this." Once he had possession of it, he quickly unfolded it, then paused.

"Was this hers?" Was. Somehow that word sit roughly on my chest reminding me I wasn't alive anymore, but dead.

"I think so. It was in her drawer." Taking a deep breath, he unfolded the paper and read it by muttering the words to himself.

"My friend died in a car accident when she was fourteen. She was one of the people who helped me when I was depressed after being bullied, beat, and stalked. I felt terrible and locked myself in my room, playing sad music only to myself. The feeling passed but she could never be gone from my memory. There were people here at UA who remind me of her. At first I thought it would make me feel sad, but it made me feel happy. I swear if anyone finds this I'll-" and it ended there just like I remember writing it as.

"Her words-" they both stood there doing nothing, saying nothing. "Thanks, Uraraka." She only nodded and smiled before leaving him alone in his room once again. "But why-?"

She turned her head back towards him and answered, "You were close to her. So we decided to give it to you." He showed no emotion except shock until after he was out of sight.

"Kaminari...I feel like he's in denial."
"I think he is."
"But she's dead and he must-"
"Being in denial doesn't always mean what you think it might mean," a conversation went from the outside where I could hear.

I looked back at Kaminari who stood frozen standing in the same place. Once again he made me feel the guilt and the words I felt so bad hearing. "I'm sorry, Jiro."