Epicenter Tape #2: Point in Time

#PIT42

#PIT42

We were going slowly and I was enjoying the season of our relationship even without the label yet, ang gusto ko sa sitwasyon namin ay walang obligadong oras. Ayaw ko kasing mag-expect pagdating sa oras niya na ibibigay sa akin, mabuti na rin iyong wala pang commitment hangga't abala siya—na sa tingin ko ay hindi naman magbabago dahil mas lalo lang sisikip iyong oras niya habang tumatagal sa industriya.

That's why I've been thinking about it a lot the following week after his birthday.

"Ayaw mo bang lumipat sa Cagayan?" panimula ni Mommy noong Lunes habang sabay kaming kumakain ng umagahan. "Alam kong nasanay ka na rito at sa Rockwell simula grade school pero gusto mo bang subukang lumipat? You know... new environment and people around you."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya, tahimik ang aking pagnguya at kung hindi ko pa narinig ang tungkol dito noong nakaraang nag-uusap sila ni auntie ay baka na-sorpresa ako ngayon. Hindi muna ako sumagot dahil halatang may idadagdag pa siya.

She took a deep breath. "Cagayan de Oro is pretty good to start again and explore things, Mavis. Habang maaga ka pa sa college, baka gusto mong lumipat tayo roon para makasama rin ang mga San Juan at maging malapit ka sa mga pinsan mo."

Kumunot ang noo ko, gustong matawa sa huling narinig ko. I wouldn't forget how some of those cousins filled me bad images on my exact eighteenth birthday last year; I heard how they see me different from their common skin tone as San Juans who are known mestizas and mestizos while I am morena.

Nagbuntong-hininga siya nang makita ang dismaya sa akin.

"I'm sorry if they were mean back then, it was my fault that I never stopped them because I was busy hating the fact that you threw my efforts for your birthday party that time," she said in an apologetic tone.

My nose hurts, suminghap ako at umiwas ng tingin.

"Pasensya na dahil hindi man lang kita naipagtanggol noon sa harapan nila dahil sa galit at pagtatampo ko, I didn't think about your feelings and as a mother, I failed to understand where you were coming from and why did you decide to ditch your own party."

Sumikip ang dibdib ko pero nagmatigas ang mga luhang kumawala. Gayunpaman, gumaan ang pakiramdam ko sa lahat-lahat ng pagtatampo ko sa kanila noon. I was glad that she realized why I did that, too. Akala ko kasi mananatili ang galit niya sa akin dahil tinakasan ko ang party na ginugulan niya ng oras.

I wonder if she'd get to realize it if Daddy's still around? Kung wala bang ganoong nangyari ay maiisip niya ako?

I smiled a bit and nodded; no words to express how it lightened up my heart now. Ilang sandaling natahimik ang mga minuto namin at nagpatuloy sa pagkain.

"About moving to Cagayan, gusto niyo po ba talaga roon?"

Hindi ko alam kung tama ang napili kong mga salita sa tanong na iyon dahil parang binibigay ko ang desisyon sa kanya gayong gusto kong manatili sa Manila.

"Gusto ko roon dahil nandoon ang kamag-anak natin at lupain, you're gonna learn how to manage our flower shops there and cafes—if you don't like flowers." She chuckled.

"I joined the varsity again," I affirmed lowly while looking at my plate; slightly playing with my fork.

She gasped surprisingly.

"Really? I didn't expect that... I thought you really got bored, that's why you stopped the sport."

Tumango ako at tumingin sa kanya, hindi ko gaanong mabasa ang ekspresyon niya. Hindi ko alam kung totoong tuwa siya o nilalabanan lang noon ang pagkadismaya. She never liked basketball for me.