Epicenter Tape #2: Point in Time

#PIT21

#PIT21

I told myself that I shouldn't feel jealous of Yuli because she's his girlfriend and I'm just a friend, it's damn wrong to feel jealous of the girlfriend—that's fucking ridiculous and stupid. I don't really know Yuli or how she looks like nor her voice.

Bakit ako maiinis sa girlfriend niya nang walang dahilan kundi dahil lang may gusto ako sa kanya? Hindi iyon tamang pagtuonan ng inis.

I suddenly feel guilty for having my thoughts.

Dapat nga si Yuli ang makaramdam ng ganito dahil siya ang girlfriend. Iyon lang, wala siguro siyang alam? Pero hindi ba't nabanggit na ni Tanner ang pangalan ko noong tumawag siya? Ano kayang sinabi niya?

Maybe she knows but she's not insecure and a jealous type of girlfriend.

My heart clenched at the thought, kaya siguro mahal na mahal siya ni Tanner dahil siya iyong tipong matured girlfriend.

I wonder how old is she? Café owner na siya, e. Malamang ay matanda kay Tanner, puwede rin namang kasing edad?

I licked my lips after taking out the teaspoon from my mouth and glanced at Tanner who's busy looking at the street we're heading.

"Ilang taon na pala uh... si Yuli?" I asked in a normal tone.

Gusto ko rin magkaroon ng kaalaman sa kanya upang mabawasan ang mga naiisip kong hindi tama. I should be more aware of her so I'd stop this fucked-up feelings.

"Yuli? Hmm..." he pouted a bit. "She's a year older than me."

I nodded understandingly. Kaya naman pala mature na mag-isip.

"Why did you ask?"

I shrugged coolly. "Just curious, hindi ko pa kasi siya nakikita kaya wala akong alam."

"Do you wanna see her?"

"Hindi naman." Iling ko.

Ayos na sa aking may kaunting impormasyon, hindi ko na kailangan makakita pa ng litrato.

He took out his cellphone.

"Wait, I'll check her IG." He tapped and scrolled quickly before handing me his cellphone. "Here she is."

Kunot ang noo ko sa bahagyang silaw sa liwanag ng screen habang nakatingin sa litrato. Muntikan na akong suminghap pero pinigil ko. She's cute, Morena at mahaba ang malinis na nakataling buhok, maliit dahil kita ko iyong taas niya sa door frame--parang parehas kami ng height o mas matangkad lang ako ng kaunti.

I puckered my lips and nodded.

"Ganda pala ng girlfriend mo, e."

I'm telling the truth; she looks sophisticated and sociable. Maayos ang pananamit at mukhang malinis kahit Morena, hindi gaya ko na parang lalaki kung manamit kaya siguro ako inaasar na madungis na babae sa school. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang mag-isip paano gumanda o maging maayos sa sarili para kahit papaano ay mayroon naman akong laban.

But then, this isn't a fight. It will never be a fight.

Kung gugustuhin ko man, dapat para sa sarili ko at hindi para kay Tanner o kanino man.

He just chuckled and continued eating his ice cream.

Hindi na ako umaasa talaga, I just want to get over this feeling and forget like I felt nothing for him.

Hinatid niya ako sa pinagkitaan naming kanina dahil hanggang doon lang ang sinabi ko, hindi naman siya umangal at kumaway lang. We just talked about band stuff that made my night better while walking and eating ice cream.