Epicenter Tape #2: Point in Time

#PIT17

#PIT17

Hindi talaga muling lumabas ang mga luha ko kahit gaano kasama ang loob, hindi rin agad makatulog. My cellphone vibrated on my belly, I exhaled and lifted it to check. In the screen, it's Tanner's text message.

Tanner:
Are you alright?

Napailing ako at hilaw na natawa dahil kahit ayaw kong sagutin, sa huli ay sinagot pa rin.

Ako:
I'm not okay but I will be. Thanks again.

I want to get back to the normal, I don't wanna feel awkward around Tanner because I'd be a loser. He's really friendly and naturally sweet to his friends, he's nice and very gentleman. Nakakahiya talaga itong nararamdaman ko para sa kanya kaya itatago ko lang at aalisin paunti-unti dahil hindi yata madaling alisin nang biglaan, I'd just become in denial but not really moved on.

It would be a bad move; it would slow me down.

My cellphone vibrated again.

Tanner:
Sleep well, Haw-haw.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling.

I don't want to avoid the whole Epicenter and pretend as if they're not my friends just because I have feelings for Tanner who's not even aware of it, what should I do?

I lifted my cellphone again to scroll through my messenger, I got a lot of birthday greetings from my classmates and old friends but I didn't thank them. Binuksan ko ang group chat naming magkakaibigan.

Loti: Nasaan na kaya si Kiya? ☹

Barbara: We all knew that she didn't want the party but I couldn't believe she'd actually ditch it.

Maui: Naiintindihan ko siya, lakas naman kasi ng trip ng Mommy niya. Sino bang gaganahan doon?

Loti: I'm worried about her.

Barbara: Saan kaya siya all night? Haaay.

Loti: Wala akong idea kasi tayo lang naman ang nakakasama niya madalas.

Barbara: Nagtanong din ako kila Rina, e.

Loti: I was annoyed all night, it was her Mom's fault! She wouldn't ditch that if she's happy about it!

Barbara: Ewan ko sa Mommy niya, daig pa writer sa sobrang manipulative!

I just spent my time scrolling and reading their conversation before I typed my chat, tahimik na ang group chat kaya baka tulog na rin sila sa oras na ito.

Ako: Thank you for still coming, I hope you enjoyed the night even without me. Sorry for worrying you!

Ako: But I heard what happened, I'm sure you had fun Loti! 😊 Let's just celebrate some other time.

I put my phone down and stared at the ceiling again.

The next day was quiet, I was planning to stay in my room because our relatives are surely still here. Kung hindi pa ako kinatok ni Emil ay hindi talaga ako bababa para kumain, kahit kumukulo ang tiyan ay wala akong lakas harapin iyong mga kamag-anak namin.

"Huwag mo na lang pansinin..." Emil advised flatly as we entered the dining area.

We both settled on the table with them that brunch, iilan na lang ang natira; Lolo at Lola sa San Juan, Lola sa Bolivar, ilang mga tiyahin, tiyuhin at mga pinsan. The elders looked shocked at my presence, some of them didn't know that I went home already.

"Dios ko, Kiya!" Lola San Juan gasped.

"Nasaan ka buong magdamag?"

Mommy and Daddy are just listening to the questions, they're all looking at me while I pretend actually normal. I took a pancake and put it on my plate, I smiled at them.