Epicenter Tape #2: Point in Time

#PIT19

#PIT19

Another week passed again, I've been spending my lunch breaks with Warner and most of the time together with our circle of friends.

Every day, I am asking myself the progress of hanging out with Warner and I couldn't find any answer. Parang wala sa dila ko ang sagot, blangko at hindi ko alam kung bakit kaya naman inamin ko agad iyon kila Loti.

"Wala talaga, wala akong mahanap na progress sa ginagawa namin." Nagbuntong-hininga ako. "He's really nice and gentleman but I don't see him as a boyfriend."

Nakakainis, hindi naman kasi talaga ako attracted sa mga lalaki noon! Bakit ako desperada ngayon makahanap ng ibang mababalingan ng atensyon?

Tanner is the first guy that I liked and I don't want it! In order to erase that, I have to be attracted to someone else but that doesn't mean I'd get a boyfriend. Right.

"Ano ka ba! Isang linggo pa lang, malamang!"

"Pero mas okay talaga 'yong gusto mo mismo ang manliligaw, 'no?" nakangusong ani Barbara. "Mas maganda 'yung ikaw mismo ang nagkakagusto kaysa may nagkakagusto sayo kasi mahirap pala!"

Ngumiwi ako at napaisip. Hindi naman sa hindi ko gusto si Warner, gusto ko siya pero hindi siguro lalagpas iyon sa gustong pang-kaibigan lang. Mabait kasi si Warner at ayaw ko siyang paasahin sa bagay na hindi ko kontrolado... mayroon kasing ibang inaasahan kahit walang pag-asa.

"Why don't you just let Warner? Huwag mong i-ekis agad, normal lang!" suhestiyon ni Loti.

I hesitatingly looked at them. Barbara introduced Warner to me, siya iyong talagang kaibigan ni Warner hanggang sa lumaki na ang grupo dahil nakasama na rin kami. Friendly kasi siya at parang hindi naman tama kung hahayaan ko lang na maghintay si Warner gayong walang kasiguraduhan.

"Ayaw ko nang ganoon, e. Warner is such a nice friend, baka hanggang doon lang talaga kami." Natatawa kong sinabi. "Puwede naman 'yon."

Loti was pouting. "Sayang naman, gusto ko pa namang magkaboyfriend ka na para masubukan mo!"

Binatukan siya ni Barbara.

"Nanay ka ba niyan para sa permisong 'yan?"

"Curious ako, kung magkaboyfriend ka pala, ipapaalam mo ba sa parents mo?"

I shrugged. "If it's not too serious yet, I'd probably keep it a secret."

And I don't think it's necessary now, ayaw kong isipin agad nila ang pagbubuntis gayong nag e-explore pa lang naman ako at hindi talaga seryoso. Isa pa, walang-wala sa plano ko 'to. I was never attracted to a man and I lived like a man hater before that I never thought of liking a boy, if it wasn't for my sudden feelings for Tanner-I wouldn't freaking try to divert my attention to another so I can forget everything!

This is all Tanner Guidotti's fault! He's not aware but he's too much... ugh! I hate myself putting the blame on him when in fact, everything was mine. I was the first one who liked the way he talks, the sound of his laugh, his thoughtfulness, his smiles and whatever he has except the thought of him with a girlfriend!

Namilog ang mga mata nila, napainom ng tubig si Loti.

"Wow! Tapang!" aniya. "Grabe, before hindi ko naisip na dadating ka sa point na 'to! Iyong boyfriend ang topic kasi, 'di ba? Parang kailan lang noong nag-usap tayo! You hate boys and para kang tibo. Pero sa tingin ko rin, huwag mo muna ipaalam sa parents mo, mga judgmental sila, e!"

"Kaya nga," sabi ni Barbara at natawa. "Sabagay, hindi ka naman na yata mino-monitor simula noong inalisan mo ang party! Tungkol kay Warner, bigyan mo naman kahit isang buwan na subukan!"