Don't Mask, Don't Tell

Chapter 23

I trace the outline of the tattoo on Axel's pec as I rest my head on his muscular chest. Streaks of sunlight beam through the curtains of my bedroom window, casting just enough light to reveal the intricate artwork. "What's this one mean?"

"It's a family crest."

"Your parents?"

"No."

His expression becomes dejected, his eyes filling with grief as he stares at the ceiling. I don't want to overstep or push him too far, so I don't pry further, respecting his privacy.

"I'm sorry I brought it up. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No you're fine. You couldn't have known." He pulls me close, cuddling my naked body into his. I wrap the cool sheets around us, forming a cocoon.

"Mickey and I designed this crest with our foster brother Daniel..." His voice cracks slightly and he clears his throat before continuing. "Daniel, Mickey, and I may not have been brothers by blood, but we were brothers by choice." He smiles down at me while rubbing my back. "Daniel would've loved you."

"What happened to him?"

"He died when I was in prison."

Axel looks back at the ceiling and closes his eyes.

"You don't have to tell me about him if you don't want to."

"I do want to, though. I want you to know about my life, Olivia." He gently squeezes my shoulder, thanking me in his own way. "Daniel struggled with depression and addiction all of his life. We had it rough growing up, but he had it worse—he made it through some tough shit." He pauses to pull me on top of him and runs his fingers through my hair. "I want you closer to me."

I nod against his chest and continue to listen. I'm not sure if he's trying to soothe me or himself, but I like laying here.

"One day, Daniel took too many pills and that was it. Mickey found him later that same day and told me during a supervised visitation. We were never able to determine if it was accidental or intentional." Axel's eyes swell with tears and his tough exterior breaks just a little. "I still feel guilty for abandoning him."

"You can't blame yourself for what happened. You have to know that."

"Mickey says the same thing, but I knew Daniel wasn't strong enough to face his demons alone. He needed me and I failed him."

"Where was Mickey while you were in prison?"

Axel's body stiffens and his breathing quickens, signaling I hit a nerve. "He was preoccupied."

"Preoccupied?"

"Yes."

What are you not telling me?

"Okay—"

Not pushing it.

"Thank you." His body relaxes and the sternness in his tone eases. "In all honesty, it doesn't matter where Mickey was, I still wasn't there."

"You were in prison."

"Yes, but it's my fault for accepting the contract. I was greedy and short-sighted—too focused on the massive payout. I should've analyzed more possible outcomes and weighed the consequences before I agreed."

"You can't live your life in the what-if's or the should-have's. They don't change anything. They just make it harder for you to heal." I grab his hand and rub my thumb along the top, trying to reassure him.

"I'm not familiar with that quote. What famous philosopher would that be?"

"The one and only Frank Alvarez."