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Secret // M. McCarthy Part 2

Not that you would ever admit it – you wished that Mason would have followed you as you ejected yourself from the situation. You wished that in that moment he had made some big grand gesture and declared his love for you loudly and publicly. But of course, he didn't. Instead, you walked alone to your car, trying your best to hold your head up high and not let another tear fall. As soon as your car door slammed shut behind you, and you were alone, you broke down. You choked back ugly sobs while clutching your chest as it burned – your physical pain now matching your emotional pain. You threw your phone down on the empty passenger seat beside you and it bounced onto the floor with a loud thud, which brought you back to reality.

You couldn't seem to work out what emotion it was that you were feeling – whether it's was sadness or anger or some intense concoction of both. You settled on the latter. You were sad because you honestly do love Mason with your whole heart, but you were angry that he didn't seem to care about your feelings, and you were growing tired of feeling second best, and you couldn't help but ponder whether the real reason he couldn't be honest with Madison was because he was ashamed to be with you.

Your phone continued to buzz but you ignored it as you continued to sob into your steering wheel, your knuckles going white as you gripped it tightly. You were then interrupted by an aggressive knock on your window.

_____

"Go away!" You cry, not even looking up to see who it was.

Your breath catches in your throat as your passenger door swings open and someone sits in the passenger seat, but you eventually recognise the Victoria Secret body spray and realise it was Kitty.

"I was waiting ages for you in the library." She says, and you immediately remember that you had plans to study together that afternoon since you had a project due next week.

"Sorry," You sniffle, wiping your eyes. "I completely forgot."

It's silent for a moment, you expect that Kitty is waiting for an explanation, but you don't speak.

"Are you going to tell me what happened, or do I need to force it out of you?" She asks, turning to face you.

"I've had enough of having to hide my feelings," You begin, fighting back a fresh batch of tears that are threatening to fall from your eyes. "I just can't do it anymore."

"Of course." Kitty says, her face softening, as she rests a hand on your shoulder forcing you to burst into tears again.

"(Y/N), look at me." She says, her voice soft and calm. "Tell me exactly what happened."

You take a deep breath and use your shaly hand to wipe away a final tear before you begin.

"He came up to me at my locker to ask if I had read the letter that he gave me earlier.' You sigh, pointing to the folded piece of lined paper under your pencils. "I hadn't since I was still kind of annoyed from the conversation that you and I had at lunchtime. But he could tell that something was wrong, and I just lost it."

"That's understandable," Kitty nods, and you're amazed that she's managed to stay so calm. "Then what happened?"

"I told him that I loved him, but I couldn't keep it up. Then I told him that I deserve better, but he tried to tell me that Madison was still too fragile." You continue, rubbing your hands over your face dramatically. "Then I reminded him that she's a big girl, and that it was over if he couldn't see how much it was hurting me."

"Wow," Kitty sighs. "That's rough. But I am proud of you for finally standing your ground."

"Yeah," you mumble. "But I don't want it to be over, Kitty. I love him."