Prepsworth Academy

Chapter 84 - "That I've changed?"

TomI wascontemplating drinking my fifth hot chocolate that day when Rose had walked in.
"We're watching a movie, and I need someone to go get Natasha, Millie and Raefrom the beach house?" Rose announced, using one hand to push her hair to oneside and the other to lean against the white-painted doorframe."I cango." I offered, jumping up, before turning to see that Lily had quickly crossedthe room, and was already about to leave. Lily paused at my voice, spun aroundand grinned."Okay.You come too." Lily said lightly, and I returned her smile. Even if we weren'tdating, most likely because we weren't, we were good friends, and both gotalong with each other well. It was actually kind of nice to be able to talk andjoke with Lily, simply because we were so similar, and shared a sense ofhumour. I ducked past a slightly surprised Rose and began to make my way downthe stairs, pausing briefly to check that Lily was still coming. Lily ran downthe stairs, and I ended up quickening my pace to catch up with her."This allseems so crazy!" I exclaimed, as we walked out of the heavy, wooden doors andinto the soft, hazy sunlight, provided by a rare gap in the clouds. I twistedaround to the side of the house, running my fingers along the edges in thewhite painted bricks. "What areyou talking about?" Asked Lily, sounding genuinely ocnfused. I gave a surprisedlaugh as we neared the beach, the water stretching out to sea, a endless greyblanket and the mist swirling above, dancing in the wind. There wree no soundsand the cold, wet smell of rain lay heavy in the air, bringing a freshness tothe beach. The cold was bitter, but welcome, making walking outside refreshingand rejuvenating. It was beautiful but, all the same, I couldn't imaginetumbling into the icy cold water of my own free will. I couldn't imagineswimming desperately as the converging currents pounded my head, my arms and mylegs. I couldn't imagine being so worn out and defeated that I would let myselfsink to the bottom like a stone. I got caught up in my thoughts, filled withhorror, when Lily shook my shoulder."Look, Iknow this all is crazy but, that's how it's always been." Lily explained. Ishook my head, trying to get rid of the dull headache that was clamping onto mybrain."Yeah, Prepsworthcan be a little... weird, I guess. But it's never been like this." I murmured,thinking of everything that had happened, wondering if anything worse was tocome."Youthink so? Think again. All throughout my time at Prepsworth, things have beenhappening. Behind the scenes, yes. But that doesn't mean that no one realises.Prepsworth is like this little bubble, full of gossip and rumours, and everyonealways either takes them as gospel or assumes they're all comepltely fake. But,the only reason anyone does that is because there's always someone controllingthe rumours. Spreading them, talking about them, influencing others to thinkthe same." Lily explained, her words coming out in a rush, her breath puffs ofmist in the cold air. I blinked once, shoving my hands in my pockets andstaring out at the motionless ocean."What areyou trying to say?" I asked slowly, in a measured tone. I knew that Lily knewsomething, something she wasn't telling anyone. Maybe she didn't think it wasimportant, or hadn't thought it was important, until all the pieces had fittedtogether. Like how they'd fitted together for me. But, saying what I knew,could jeopardise everything. And even then, if I told Lily the truth and shegot angry, demanded answers, then the full truth, the one I had absolutely noidea about, might never be exposed. It was better to wait, to bide my time. But, thatdidn't mean I didn't feel bad. I wantedto tell Lily the truth, I really did. I wanted to tell everyone the truth. ButI couldn't. It was too dangerous, too risky, and there was too much of a chanceof everyone getting hurt. I didn't care if it all went back on me but if it hurt anyone else... I couldn't forgivemyself if I tried to be good, and someone ended up getting hurt instead. Itwould be like every other mistake I'd made, especially with Rae. And whilst,I'd moved on, past Rae, past everything, part of me felt like it was a cautionarytale. Maybe I was a cautionary tale:the dangers of being a spoilt, arrogant, stupid rich kid. The thought filled mewith self- loathing, and I tried not to look Lily in the eye."I thinkRose is a part of it. If she was popular, then she could control what gets outand what doesn't. But what does she get out of it, aside from more power? Whatif she's hiding a secret, a massive one, and all of this is happening becauseshe was trying to hide it?" Lily theorised, frowning at the ocean. I looked up,my interest sparked."But, shewould have to be hiding something big, something massive!" I exclaimed. I knewwhat happened, and I had thought I was content with knowing that but I still didn'tknow why. Now I was so close tofinding out what Rose Miller had been hiding, what she'd tried to hide at anycost, I had to admit, I was curious. Lily turned to me slowly, her browcreased, her eyes wide, running through all the possibilities."'What doyou want to bet that our new friend over there knows what it is." Lily saidquietly. I sucked in a breath, frowning."Rae? Shenever old me anything when I was talking to her. I kind of just assumed that ifshe knew anything, she would say it. She clearly doesn't feel that warmlytowards us, so why would Rose trust her?" I mused, thinking hard."Maybeit's all an act... I don't know! And – maybe we should wait until Rose tells usthe truth. But, what's the point in waiting when we could figure it out,without Rose's twisted version of events manipulating us." Lily exclaimedexcitedly. I laughed slightly."Youreally want to do this, don't you?" I said, slightly shocked. Lily hadn't beenthis enthusiastic about anything except for sports for as long as I had knownher, and she'd seemed more calm when thinking about how to discover what hadhappened at the party."I don'twant to go on another wild goose chase." I said warily. I felt bad, pretending,but, if I even gave the slightest inclination that I knew what happened, Lilywould never trust me again and Rose's story would fall back into her own hands,free for her to change it at will. "But... Iguess I'm in. Just, we need to be careful, and kind. We might be dealing withsomething big here. I said quietly. Lily smiled at me."Sure." Istopped short, looking at the small beach house in the distance."But,Millie might know something. And Natasha too. And if we're doing this, we needto be prepared to put our various feelings aside. Not that I have any feelingsfor Natasha or Millie. We need to just be cautious." I said slowly, hoping thatI was wrong, and that no one else was lying to me, or Lily, or anyone. Thetruth was, I desperately wanted this whole thing to be over, but I seemed torocket between excitement and despair about the entire thing."Anyway, we'rehere now." I announced as we approached the small cottage. It was surprisinglyquaint, with sandstone walls and a painted blue roof, and tiny littlewindowsills with flower boxes."Huh.I never imagined Rose's family owning something like this." Lily remarked,eyeing the cute cottage. It was so starkly contrasted to the massive, white,modern mansion that I began to wonder Rose's motives for separating them fromthe rest of the house, in a place so different. I stepped forward, slightlynervously and knocked on the blue-painted door, before stepping back a coupleof steps. The door opened quickly, with Natasha holding a laptop in one handand a coffee in the other hand, and Millie standing next to her, using her footto keep the door open. There was amoment of awkward silence, before Natasha raised an eyebrow."So, didyou just come here to stand there in silence, or do you have a message for us?" Natasha said, smirking. Rae arrived, walking down the narrow hallway to standbeside Millie and Natasha."Let meguess: did Harry ask everyone to watch a movie and you were sent to collectus." Rae said sweetly. Lily's eyes widened, before she frowned."How doyou know? TTis plan happened, like, ten minutes ago and Rose said we wouldn'tbring our phones, for whatever weird reason." Lily exclaimed."There'sa home phone in here." Rae explained."Rosecalled me. Which makes me wonder, why did she send you two over here, if shecould just call us." Rae continued, narrowing her eyes. Lily shrugged."I don'tknow what you want us to say. We just ... went." Lily said, crossing her arms.Rae nodded and sighed."Sorry. Iguess I'm just a little on edge. I'm surrounded by people I don't know, ortrust and, I'm just going through a lotright now." Rae said, a little sharply. Lily smiled slightly, before offeringRae her hand."I'mLily. And, as you know, I'm here to invite you over to watch a movie." Lilysaid, slightly comedically, before giving an exaggerated bow. Rae's eyestravelled to me, and I wanted to look at the ground but I met her eyes, andoffered a smile."It'snice to see you again Rae." I said honestly."You too,private school boy. I hope you're not too devastated." Rae joked."Oh no. Icried for days, I tell you, days." I said dramatically, before turning slightlyserious."Ithought about what happened, and I decided to change. For the better,hopefully." I said, before frowning."But Ithink it's working, so, I'm going to stick with it." "Yeah,well, maybe we all need to change." Rae replied. I smiled at her, relieved thatI was right, that I had let go. That I cared about Rae, but as a friend. And,that maybe Rae cared about me as a friend too. I could use a few more friends."So, whatare we waiting for? Let's go!" Millie exclaimed, taking Natasha's coffee in onehand and laptop with another and darting into a room off the hallway to putthem down. The door started to swing closed without Millie holding it open andI stepped forward, pulling the door back to hold it open. I looked up to seemyself face-to face with Natasha."I'msorry, I was just holding the door open, it had started to close." I blurtedout. Natasha raised an eyebrow."I cansee that.""Yeah.Right. Um, obviously." I continuedawkwardly before stepping back."Wouldyou like to go outside?" I coutninued, possibly even more awkwardly."Uh,sure." Natasha answered, sounding amused. I cringed and stepped away, holdingthe door open with one hand and running my hand through my hair. "I'msorry. I'm just really tired. Yesterday was a pretty crazy day, and I only gotto sleep at like, five." I babbled, my own inner commentary reminding me howstupid I sounded. Natasha raised her eyebrows and nodded."Clearly."She muttered, although she had a smile on her face as she ducked past me andwalked out the door. As she was walking, she turned around."You canleave now. I'm guessing that Lily and Millie have a lot to talk about, and youseem kind of awkward around Rae, so..." Natasha said, trailing off. I walked toher side and laughed."Awkwardaround Rae? Why would I be awkward around Rae?" I asked. Yeah, maybe I'd beenshocked when I'd seen Rae, both at the clearing and back at the house, butawkward? I felt comfortable around Rae, because I knew her, and I knew what shewas like, unlike everyone else, who seemed to go between being intimidated byRae and liking her. Natasha shrugged."Everytime that you see her you go really quiet and don't say anything." Natashaexplained."Oh.Yeah. It's definitely because of Rae. The only reason I ever act awkward is becauseof Rae. Definitely." I said. Natasha looked over, detecting the sarcasm in myvoice. "Let'sjust forget this and move onto another topic." I said quickly. "Are youembarrassed? Don't be. It's actually kind of nice to see you act like someoneother than a self-centred jerk.""Wow.Thank you for that very kindcomment." I said sarcastically. Natasha rolled her eyes."You knowwhat I mean. I hated you for so long because of how awful you were – arrogant,self serving, rude." Natasha began."You knowwhat, this was really a good idea. So far it's been a great recommendation tomy character and absolutely amazing for my self-esteem." I said. Natasha rolledher eyes and elbowed me."But,what I was about to say was, I don't hate you anymore. Because you've changed.I don't even dislike you." Natashasaid earnestly. I froze, staring at her in disbelief. Natasha stared back atme, frowning."Okay, maybeI dislike you a little bit but that'snot the point." Natasha added. "Thatwasn't what I was shocked about." I said awkwardly, and Natasha grimaced."Oh. Whatwere you shocked about?' Natasha asked. I looked away, letting go a breath."ThatI've changed." I began, shaking my head and staring at the ground."That wasall I wanted. To be better – especially in the middle of all of this." I saidquietly, gesturing around us."You'rethe only one." Natasha murmured."What areyou talking about?" I asked, beginning to frown. Natasha looked up, eyesslightly wide, as if she were panicked."Everyone'sout for themselves except for you. You're like...the good guy." Natasha saidseriously, before breaking into a grin. I laughed."The goodguy?" I asked incredulously."Yeah!"Natasha insisted."I guessI can live with that." I said, smiling to myself. I looked over to Natasha, andsaw her looking back at me, an inexplicable expression on her face. "Hey,it's a good thing, and this is high praise coming from me. It's only taken me aschool escape, an attempted crime and a suspension for me to change my mind."Natasha joked."Iappreciate it. You know, committing felonies just wouldn't be the same withoutyou." I said."It'sgood we're on the same page. You know, with out track record, we could becomesort of, partners in crime. We could turn our rivalry into an alliance."Natasha suggested."Rivalry?There was never a rivalry!" I exclaimed."Well, Ido agree. I did triumph over you every single time at every single thing, but,some less well informed people would say rivalry." Natasha said lightly."Wait?Was that why you hated me?" I asked."Iremember it as the other way round. On the first day, I was walking acrosscampus, you were doing some kind of stupid contest with your mates, and you runinto me, completely bowling me over. Now, here I am thinking "oh, maybe he'llhelp me up or at least apologise", but do you know what you did instead?"Natasha began, smirking, before lowering her voice to an intimation of me."Hey,watch it, Lois Lane!" And then you didn't even help me up, just left." Natashaexclaimed. I sighed."I don'tknow how to say this, but that was my very refined and foolproof method offlirting. I believe that Lois Lane was meant to be a compliment." I saidawkwardly. Natasha raised her eyebrows."No!"Natasha said disbelievingly."Unfortunately,yes. But then after that when started acting cold to me, I just reacted thesame way, and eventually, I kind of forgot I'd ever thought about you as somethingother than an annoying wannabe journalist, which clearly was a mistake." Iexplained. Natasha smiled, nudging me with her side."Aw,thanks. Right back at you, annoying wannabe sports star." Natasha replied, andI smiled at her briefly, before our gazes dropped away. I looked back down to the sand, watching myfootprints fall into the grains of sand, leaving behind a trace of me, only tobe washed away by the waves. I stayed quiet for a long time, determined not tolook back, to the small cottage that was getting further away by the second,and forcing myself not to look forward, at the large white house looming on thehorizon. Because every step I took, every footprint erased, the further away Igot from everything good. And the closer I got to my worst nightmares.