Prepsworth Academy

Chapter 43 - "You have no idea, do you?"

Jake

I walked into the sunlit room and slumped down on a couch, sighing and running a hand through my hair. Dr Young – or Elise as she was called by the teachers, was one the most respected psychologists in Australia, partly due to her youth, partly to her excellence. Or that was what Principal Verne told me. Dr Young smiled at me and gestured towards a plate of banana chocolate chip muffins. I took one and murmured my thanks. Dr Young laughed.

"Don't thank me, thank the school kitchens!" I forced a fake laugh as Dr Young took two muffins, biting into one as she sat back on the couch. That was the weird thing about Dr Young, she was uncannily similar all my friends (and enemies). She was just like an extremely smart high school student. It threw me off my game a bit, I'll admit that. I'd expected some old, white man with a receding hair line and condescending tone. But, I suspected it was all part of her plan to "put me at ease". If she acted like someone she'd thought I'd trust, then maybe I'd open up to her. She was wrong and I was smarter than she'd thought. Dr Young was still annoying, making me talk about what happened and suggesting what I could do to cope with the "fiery rage" I felt. Her words, not mine. The fiery rage in question had been buried deep down inside of me, replaced with a dark, cynical view on life. I was just bititng into my second muffin and preparing to ignore Dr Young's incessant questions when Dr Young whisked the plate of muffins away, earning my attention. I looked up, my gaze questioning and slightly irritated.

"Have you ever been in love?" Dr Young asked. I froze, my stomach clenching, all my muscles tightening. I gathered myself enough to raise an eyebrow, forcing my face into an expression of nonchalance.

"Have you?" I replied. Dr Young looked about as close to rolling her eyes as I had seen her but I ignored her expression as I reclined on the couch.

"You know, this is a good time to bring this up. We never talk about you, and quite frankly, I feel it's affecting our relationship."

"This isn't the time to joke." Dr Young snapped.

"Oh, I'm not joking. How many times have you had your heart broken? Cats or dogs? What's your favourite food. Let's talk about light-hearted questions like that." I said smoothly.

"If you want to ignore me, go ahead. The reason I'm asking this is because I've had various accounts of what happened, and it sounds like you were in love with Rose, and got your heart broken. Now, you're hurt and sad, cowering in the corner." Dr Young said harshly. I finished my muffin, shrugging.

"Oh? What "various accounts" are those. Who have you spoken to? Besides, I wasn't in love with Rose. I thought I was, but, I was wrong. It, like most other things at this school, including "talking about our feelings in therapy." Is childish and silly." I answered honestly.

"Ignoring your feelings won't help. You need to accept that you're in love with Rose, and move on." Dr Young said simply.

"I'm not in love with Rose, and I never was. How many times do I have to say this?" I exclaimed.

"So you thought you were. What changed?" Almost as if summoned, the door eased open and Amy stepped into the room, her cheeks flushed and hair messy.

I absentmindedly wondered if she had been working on that dance of hers. It wasn't her usual practice times, but the only times that Amy ever got her hair messy was when she danced, it was another one of the stupidly perfect things about her.

Dr Young's head spun to Amy, before smiling at her. When Amy had gotten in trouble for what happened with the diary, she'd been sent to Dr Young, but Dr Young had let her go after one session, stating that she was perfectly fine and had just gotten caught up in something she didn't understand. That was where Dr Young was wrong. Amy was just as messed up as the rest of us, but she hid it better.

Amy's gaze landed on me, before drifting to Dr Young. Amy smiled, stumbled a bit and sat down on the far end of the couch, perched on the edge.

"I just came in to say that Principal Verne cancelled your weekly sessions with Jake." She said with an apologetic smile. Dr Young returned the smile.

"Thank you for letting me know. I'll just finish up in about half an hour." Dr Young said politely, and Amy swept out the room as easily as she'd come in, subtly grabbing a banana muffin on the way out.
I found myself looking after Amy, before turning my attention back to Dr Young.

"I'm sorry this got cancelled." I said.

"You're not sorry." Dr Young said, although not harshly.

"I'm sorry you lost a job." I reiterated. Dr Young shrugged, an almost human like gesture.

"Thank you for your concern Jake, but I have plenty of jobs lined up. Besides, I must admit, I came back partly to reminisce." Dr Young said, looking around.

"You used to go here?" I exclaimed. Dr Young nodded.

"I know how Prepsworth works, and I didn't exactly expect you to open up. But, I want you to think about what happened. You used to love Rose, and I know this from Amy's account. Even if it was a childish kind of love, it was love. I also suspect that when you fought Lukas, it was because of your love for Rose and Lukas." Dr Young explained.

"Love, for Lukas? I'm not in love with Lukas." I exclaimed.

"No, you weren't in love with Lukas, but you loved him. It was because of the loss of both those loves that you were upset, or at least, I suspect so. So, there must be something, or someone that made you realise you didn't need them." Dr Young coutninued. I looked back towards the door, the unspoken word clearly hanging in the air. I swallowed, staring at the ceiling.

"I don't love Amy." I managed, before wincing. Dr Young smiled at me, almost pitying.

"No, I'm sure you don't – yet." Dr Young began, before I looked at her indignantly.

"You have no idea, do you?" Dr Young said incredulously. I crossed my arms across my chest.

"No." I said defensively.

"Amy helped you realise your independence. But, after that, it was you who kept yourself from running back to them. You are not as weak as you think you are." Dr Young said. I blinked, frowning.

"Amy made you realise that there were people outside of Rose and Lukas, perhaps even that there was romance outside of Rose and Lukas, but she cannot be in charge of changing you. You deserve praise, no matter how much you think you don't." Dr Young explained slowly, as if speaking to a smile child.

"Thank you." I said, smiling, before frowning.

"Wait. What do you mean romance?" I demanded. Dr Young sat back with a satisfied smirk, looking every bit the mischievous teenager.

"I think you already know." I managed a smile, before breathing out.

"If what you said is true and I really was in love with Rose, then, I can't fall in love again, not with what happened before." I said honestly. Dr Young nodded, her brow crinkled.

"I'm afraid I can't help you with that, Jake."

But after that, nothing to do with love was spoken of.