Prepsworth Academy

Chapter 21 - "My secrets have broken me."

Dylan

I sat in a circle with my back against a tree, watching people at Prepsworth play soccer on the fields below, and walk across the oval, talking and laughing. Everything seemed so perfect that I was hesitant to ruin it all, but then I remembered what Rose did, and didn't feel as hesitant. Nothing was perfect, it just depended how far you looked below the surface. I turned my attention back to Elle, who was relaying her tale of how she got the diary.

"I meant to be nice to Rose, to try to charm her into showing me the diary, but - I couldn't. I just saw her and I couldn't smile at her and stay quiet." Elle said, solemnly, before shaking her head.

"I dont know, something in her just brings out the worst in me." Elle confessed. Jake laughed.

"Rose brings out the worst in everyone. It's what she always does - manipulates people." He said coldly. Lily nodded, ever so slightly that I almost missed it. I rolled my eyes at Jake's dramatics, but couldnt help feeling grateful that I'd never gotten close to Rose. I guess that was one of the positives about not caring about anything; you couldn't get hurt.

"So, should we read this mysterious diary?" I pondered out loud, trying to change the subject. but Amy had already picked up the book and was eyeing it warily . It was smart of Elle to bring her along, Amy's seemed to be one of the few people who wasn't fooled by Rose's sweet demanour who hadnt seen her cruelty first hand, and nshe seemed to be smart enough to want to take Rose down in a way that wouldnt destroy her, but would hurt her. Amy started reading, her voice barely wavering.

"Today is the last day of Year Ten and, for once, I'm almost glad to be leaving. What has happened this year - my secrets have almost broken me, and they follow me ceaselessly. I cannot escape them, cannot escape her anywhere, not even in my dreams. Having to keep it from everyone has been difficult, and I would expect the constant lying, the constant forced smiles to be difficult, but it's easy. Too easy. I'm just scared, well and truly scared, and every cell in my body screams that I have to hide it, because the second I let my guard down, everything I have left would fall apart. I'm so scared; scared of what might happen if everyone found out, scared that it'll get worse. I'm living a lie and the truth kills me. I'm broken, and it's impossible to hide for long. Until now, I've covered it up well -I hope." Amy broke off, looking solemn. I gripped the grass, not wanting to look at anyone, trying to stop myself from reacting, from screaming out all of the questions that were roaring in my head.

There's teardrops on the page." Amy said quietly. Lily took a wavering breath and closed her eyes, looking remorseful. For a second, I though that she might tell Amy to close the book, but when she opened her eyes, they were blazing, burning bright with anger.

"Don't even think about stopping reading. That girl has lied and manipulated to get to the top! Don't feel sorry for her now. Do you think she ever felt one ounce of guilt after she ruined so many people's lives so carelessly?" Lily snapped.

"She's right!" Jake snarled, and whilst Lily's eyes were burning bright, his were as dark and cold as a shark's.

"That girl is nothing but a liar and a-" Jake started.

"I think we get the picture Jake." I murmured, wanting to go on. Amy started again in a low voice, looking unsure of herself.

"I've been holding onto this knowledge in hope that it might one day save me, that I'll read it and gain the strength I need to face my life because the truth is...I'm sick." Elle snatched the book out of Amy's hands and almost tore it in half, her face thunderous. Amy looked sick, Lily looked angry, and Jake looked absolutely murderous, cold and hateful.

"What the hell was that?" Jake demanded, easily sitting up and taking a step towards Elle.

"Just because you're Little Miss Perfect and that girl hasn't ruined your life doesn't mean you have to ruin this moment for the rest of us!" Jake spat, her face twisted into a scowl. Elle's foot slammed into Jake's stomach the exact same time that my fist connected with his jaw, almost hard enough to break it. Jake didn't flinch, didn't even blink.

"Getting feisty are we?" Jake smirked, unnerved as blood dripped down his neck, bright red against his pale skin..

"You're not exactly in any position to complain." I hissed through my teeth, staring at the long scratch my fingernails had left across Jake's jawline, where'd I dragged my fingernails across after I'd punched him.

"How about this? I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." Jake said sarcastically, before breaking into a laugh.

"Don't you want to know what was in that diary?" Jake asked, looking between Elle and me. I did. But I also had a sinking feeling that I knew what exactly was in that book, and how it was going to affect everyone. I didn't answer, torn, and Jake turned to Amy.

"Now, can you please finish the book." Jake asked, eyes dangerous. Amy took a step back, clutching the book to her chest.

"Go to hell." She hissed, moving to tear out the pages, but Lily was there in a flash, prising the book from Amy's hands as gently as she could and turning to Jake.

"I'm sorry I had to do that - but you don't understand. you don't understand what it's like." Lily said helplessly, before opening the diary.

"It says that she has an eating disorder." Lily read out, her expression turning stricken as she read the next line. There was an ominous waiting silence that only lasted for a heartbeat but seemed to stretch forever. Lily looked up, her face pale, eyes shining with tears, finishing her sentence.

"And that she has severe depression."

Dylan

It all happened in slow-motion. Elle screaming, buckling over like the words had been gunshots to her heart, like they pained her more than anything she had ever known,, tears streaming down her face and running, sprinting off somewhere. Lily's face collapsing, her eyes widening and her kicking and punching the tree until her knuckles were torn and split and splattered with shockingly red blood before turning to swear at Jake and stalking off down the hill, blood still dripping off her knuckles. Amy's face went ghostly pale and opened her mouth, perhaps to scream but no sound came out. Then she turned and ran, her hair falling out of her ponytail and spilling around her shoulders. I remember me turning to Jake, trying to stop myself from punching him or kicking him or just yelling at him.

"Did you know what was in that diary?" I asked him, my entire body tense, dreading what I would do if Jake had known about the diary, if he had set this up. Jake only smiled, a snake's smile and walked away.

Elle

Panic, fear and hate coursed through my veins, swallowing me, consuming me, condemning me to a frenzy of memories. An eating disorder, depression...it was sounding like an old enemy had come back, eager to punish me for my crimes, beckoning with a crooked finger, whispering cold truths into my ear as I descended into a cold, bitter, heartless darkness that enjoys my pain and tears. A darkness that is old and familiar and has no mercy. A darkness that will break me.