Prepsworth Academy

Chapter 60 - "Did you stay?"

Lukas

Looking out across the dark campus, there was a heavy silence in the air. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I glanced towards the still waters of one the lakes on campus. It was a smaller lake, framed by skeletal trees, and was often quiet and unused, which was why I'd chosen it for this meeting. I looked back towards the trees just in time to see Amy delicately make her way through the trees. As she came closer, I stepped towards her. She wore that familiar, blank look that I had come to know so well over the past five weeks.

"How are you?" I asked blandly.

"Well." Amy replied emotionlessly, and I knew the words were meaningless. It was all part if the game we played; a never-ending game of cat and mouse.

"That's good to hear." I said, equally as meaninglessly. I sat down on the slope and patted the ground beside me. Amy sighed, almost inaudibly and sat down, crossing her legs.

"What do you want?" Amy asked, the words holding a surprising lack of aggression. I turned to look at Amy and saw an expression of weariness on her face, instead of her typical emotionless mask.

"What's wrong?" I asked, finding myself more than a little shocked that I cared, even slightly. Amy turned and glared at me, her eyes shimmering with hatred.

"I could walk into that lake and not feel a thing. I could go under and not even realise. I could be stuck in the middle of a blizzard and fool myself that I was toasty warm. And do you know why Lukas? Because, I thought it was because of me following you but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore!" Amy murmured, her words blurring into each other. Her voice was hollow and empty, and I couldn't conjure any memories of her old, light, melodic voice. I didn't even blink as I listened to her. After she was finished, I calmly gestured to the lake.

"Try it. Just – try." I said. I stood up and walked towards the trees. Whatever Amy was going to do, it didn't need an audience. And I would give her that respect if nothing else.

Amy

The world seemed still as I stood up and walked towards the lake. I supposed the water would be cold, but temperature wasn't a thing I noticed. It was insignificant, just like everything else. Just like me. Kicking off my shoes and taking off my jacket, I walked towards the lake, the wind blowing my hair behind me. I sucked in a deep breath of air I walked into the shallow of the lake ... and felt nothing. There was the sensation of the water lapping against my ankles but no pain, no shock of the cold. I strode in further, until the water was waist high. There was still nothing. Panicking slightly, or as much as I could, I walked in further, and suddenly the water was up to my ribs, then up to my shoulders, up to my neck. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing whatsoever. I knew the cold was there, knew the pain was there, knew that my body was registering the cold, but something in my brain just didn't care. The thought was scary, yet some part of me knew that it was purely emotional, that I didn't register the pain because I didn't want to, because I thought it was nothing. Still, I walked in further, until the water was up to my nose, and finally, until I was completely submerged.

I took a step further, and suddenly, there was no ground below me. Floating down, I vaguely wondered if this was what Elle went through all that time ago. It seemed as though all that had happened a lifetime ago, to an entirely different person. Still, the cold didn't register. If anything, the world seemed more hazy now, more far away. As if all my problems no longer mattered. The old girl, whose memories I seemed to possess (could that have been me?) would have struggled for breath, would have kicked up, reaching towards the light. Now, I was content to float underneath the water, the darkness comforting and almost magical.

I closed my eyes, making easy strokes through the water. Really, it was almost like dancing, being so free. I suddenly remembered why I'd walked into the lake: to be free from the haze but I'd become even more entangled in it. My eyes snapped open, and in the murky dimness I managed to make out a shape swimming towards me, but it was too late. I shook my head slightly, wanting to tell them it was fine, that I was fine. I'd never been better. I felt so serene, so content in this darkness, and it was so welcoming. But they swam faster and pulled me up to the surface, their arms gripping my shoulders tightly. When we broke the surface, the world was disconcertingly bright. Swimming to shore, or being pulled to shore, I closed my eyes, inviting the darkness in. The darkness was not death, but sleep, happiness and dreams. The daylight had interrupted it, however briefly, but if I just let loose a little more breathe, lay a little more still, I could submerge myself in it. I was just about to float away on a cloud when I heard someone screaming a name desperately.