Mine!

A small hope

Hello everyone.I know it's been a while since I have updated and I am so sorry for this but it's just I haven't been in mood for nothing.Anyway here it is the chapter.I hope you enjoy.❤❤

"I have a thousand things to say and a thousand reason not to.I have a thousond longs nights seeing the sky and overthinking about everything and again not finding answers for these questions.
Deep inside me are other feelings that I try to hide but these feelings are much stronger than the reason itself and for this I am afraid that I won't be able to control what is really best for me.I am afraid that I will go towards very easily passing every reason that stops me, letting the feelings to invade my whole heart, my whole mind ,my whole body, the whole me,,,, something which I tried so hard to not let happen.
You know that being able to listen the voices in your head is hard but being able stop them is even harder.And this is what I am
trying to stop, this is excatly what I want to STOP cause I can't anymore."

All night his eyes were on me and this made me so uncomfortable.He was in front of me and it was impossible to avoid looking at him for at least once during the dinner.It was a tension that I felt so much.Even though that my feelings for him aren't fade away yet ,I feel like things between us are so cold and are being colder every single day.I feel like everything is going away so far away and we won't be able to be like we used to be.I feel like everything is coming to an end.An end without nothing, neither sadness nor happiness but something weird ,something that I can't give a definition.
All this situation had bring me not really good days but when I think deeply ,I am so grateful for everything I have.

Here I am so happy surrounded by my family.They are all smiling and happy.I can see mom and dad with shiny eyes from happiness and seeing their faces full of happiness gives me life.I see a new Fletcher.A Fletcher that is finally ready to take the step that he always postponed away and then I see my tally ready to be a father and my sweety Dani soon to be a mother of their little princess.
I couldn't be happier than seeing them with smiles in their faces.
I am also so happy to have Brad ,he is the one that was always next to me in bad days and the one who made me do crazy things.
And then comes Jade, she is very important to me not for the fact that she is going to marry Fletcher but for the fact that she is amazing.And not to talk about Jade's parents that are like second parents to me and they just made my opinion about them stronger tonight.
There is also Leone that I don't have so much time that I know him but he is already important to me.He had made so much for me in this little time that we know each other and for this I really appreciate everything what he did for me and what is doing still.

But my mind ,my thoughts,my feelings,my body and everything is invaded by him.He still lives deep inside me, inside my heart.I tied him so tightly inside me that tightly that I am suffocating him slowly, day after day.I am killing him without noticing.I am afraid that it will come one day when he will be dead from this strong tight of mine and I won't be able to bring him back.And I feel like this is going to happen very soon.I can't control anymore what is happening with me.Is so difficult.My heart is still his but my mind is destroying everything.Aria is the one who is separating my feelings for him.I do not have control in this.My mind, my heart, the inside me,a second Aria are making decisions and I am just a victim of their decisions.I haven't been in such a state before.I am really struggling so hard with my mind.Is very difficult.I am so tired of this.I just want not to think about anything.I want to think nothing.JUST NOTHING.

"Can you please hear me for a second?"-I heard Harmon's dad voice that interrupted me from my thoughts.

I was really deep thinking and I didn't notice that was already the end of the dinner.
All turned their attention to Oliver but him no.His eyes were still on me.I wasn't feeling comfortable at all, it was so difficult for me to avoid looking at him cause he was in front of me and after all, I am a human being and my eyes can see everywhere.But right now was eaiser for me to avoid his eyes cause Oliver was talking and I was paying attention to him.