I only want to be yours

twenty nine

•Sydney•

I sat in Potions with Blaise, Draco and Theo laughing so much my stomach started to hurt. Suddenly mcgonagall walked in, eagerly like she did last time she pulled me out of class. "May I speak with you miss lockheart." She gestured as I looked at the boys worried.

I did as she said and stood up leaving my books down on my desk. I walked out as mcgonagall stood there, she put her hands on my shoulders "Sydney dear, I know you would want to know this-"

"-You are worrying me now what is it" I gave a small laugh but her face was cold, not like a mad face but a saddened one.

"Darling, your- your mother she has passed." She stated as I felt my heart break. Even though I did not care for the woman and how much pain she put me through- she was still Victoria, my mother. I hated to  but tears ran down my face. "Now you can take this and give it to professor snape, he will excuse you for the day." She said softly as I nodded.

I hated to walk back into the classroom with tears running down my face but I had to. I walked in and everyone's eyes turned to me, like I was a puppet at a stage show- everyone watched me. I quickly shuffled to my desk picking up my things as my eyes where blinded by water. I heard Draco whispering things to me but everything was muffled.

I walked up to snape as I handed him the note and he opened it and gave a deep breath "you will be excused, my apologies miss lockheart" he said in his monotones voice as I walked away.

"Wait Sydney-"

"-No mr Malfoy, sit back down" snape declared.

"But-" Theo started but snape cut him off.

"Mr nott and mr Malfoy you need to hush this instant!" Snape declared as I opened the door seeing Theo's, Blaise's and Draco's faces as I walked out, worried. I wanted nothing more than to be in one of their arms right now- I didn't care who it was.

Even though she made barley a big impact on my life and I hated the woman I still felt like a part of me was pulled from my heart. I always knew that she was always around and that made me feel like one day maybe we could have been close. But I blew that the day she came to see me. I pushed her away and that was my last conversation with her.

I said awful things and I didn't even let her talk. I took that for granted- I took knowing my mum was still alive for granted. I hated the woman and I told everyone that but like I have thought- I have always wanted a mum I have always wanted someone that I can talk to.

She was my only shot at that and I blew it. It's my fault I am feeling this way. No don't blame yourself, but I have to, there's no one else to blame. My whole life I have been alone- no one to go to. I was always the loner that no one ever really payed attention to. I was never wanted, I was never loved. All I wanted was to be loved by my own family and I couldn't even have that.

I couldn't even have a family because being a witch was a burden. But when my mum came to see me,
I feel like I was a little harsh- but it was what I was feeling but I could not hear what she was feeling. I was so wound up in what I was going to have to say to her- I didn't even let her say what she was going to say to me.

I didn't even let her speak and now it could have been I different story- I could have been getting to know her and she wouldn't ever have to be in the spot where she died. She would be with me. Safe.

I ran to my room as I turned on the water in the shower. I pulled off my clothes as I got in with the water flowing over my skin sending goosebumps all around my body from the temperature difference.

I cried in the shower with the hot water streaming down on me as I pushed myself up against the shower tile. I collapsed down onto the floor, shaking.

It's all my fault.

It's all my fucking fault-

"Sydney!" Someone shouted in my room. I didn't answer I just sat there shaking on the shower floor.

"Sydney darling." Theo muttered as he saw me sitting on the shower floor with my legs pulled up to my chest. I wanted Draco, I didn't care if I had to fucking resist him. I need him.

"Syd are you okay love come here." He whispered as he got in. He pulled me to his chest as the water from my body soaked into his uniform as did the shower water streaming down on us.

"Dra- Draco where is Draco" I muttered through my tears.

"He's coming, right now don't worry." He rubbed my head leaving kisses along my hair. I felt safe.

I heard someone barge into the dorm. "W- what happened syd come here." Draco said softly. "Theo get to class, tell Flitwick I am sick please"

"Okay I will." He said softly and kissed my head before Draco took me in his arms. He wrapped his protective barrier around my shaking figure as I cried into his chest. I didn't even love the woman but knowing that my mum is dead- it hurts.

"Hey love. It's okay." Draco muttered as he kissed my chest. He rubbed my back. I felt safe and warm. Knowing that I was with him solved all of my problems. I know not everything will be okay but when I am with him it all melts away, Leaving me breathless.

"She's dead." I stated as he pulled away scared. His grey blue eyes pearced through mine.

"Wha- who?" He whispered.

"My mum, and it's my fault" I stated as me looked at me like I was metal. Like I was out of my mind.

"Darling that's not your fault. Don't think like that." He said softly trying to comfort me as best as he could.

"No it is, if I treated her differently that day- I- she could have been with me and not the place she died she would have been with me" I stated shaking as I finally looked up into his eyes.

His eyes made me melt like all the problems where gone- simply gone. Faded away like the stars do when it turns daylight yet they don't fade away you just can't see them. That's how Draco makes me feel, he's the day and my problems are the stars. He makes them fade away but once it gets to night- that's- that's when I am not with him. He heals it all.

Hi my loves, how do we like this chapter?