Down the line

Prologue

I run out from around the back of the office block. That's when I see it, that's when I see Josh with the noose around his neck. It was all over, this was so wrong.

I've never cried so much in my entire life. I set my path towards him, sprinting in his direction to the stage but there was way too many people in the way.

I stand still as I realise what was about to happen. Covering my mouth I watch his eyes lock onto mine. The glisten in them that always made him look so bright and happy. I would do anything to hear him say one of his stupid jokes.

But in that second I watched the wood get pulled from his feet and his body get pulled downwards by gravity. I stand still, I just watched that. I just watched my husband die.

I was instantly reduced to my knees. Crying so much I had a headache. I had felt like I had been shot in the stomach several times. A cannonball.

"Mom! Its going to be alright" I feel my sons arms wrap around me even though I was weeping on the floor. I had probably drawn a crowd. Lewis was lying to me, it wasn't going to be alright. Josh died knowing that I never forgive him and even now I can't.

Lewis tries to pick me up off of the floor but I keep my eyes shut tight. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to go anyway.

"We need to get you out of here. We need to get you home but whatever you do you can't look up. Do you understand?" Lewis kneels downwards and looks up at my snot riddled face.

I couldn't do it. We were human. Humans get curious, I had to look even though Lewis tried to stop me. I got a quick glimpse of the scene over his shoulder.

"Oh God" I choke as I see what I could have done without.

Josh's lifeless body swinging side from side by his neck. Was the world torturing me? I grab Lewis quickly and cry into his chest even though I was finding that impossible. It was as if I didn't have enough fluid in me to create anymore tears.

"I told you not to look. Let's get out of here" Lewis begins to drag my still body away from the crowd. I felt the need to vomit but my empty stomach contradicted that.

Lewis pulled me all the way back to my house. It wasn't even a house or a home without Josh. It was just a building. Although he hadn't spend a night here with me before I couldn't help but feel as if it made things worse.

"I'm going to stay with you today, is that okay mom?" Lewis asks me as he does his best to comfort me.

I nod. I just wanted someone to be with. I couldn't handle not being with anyone. I had just lost the person I loved.

I know he did bad things and I knew I had to press my foot down and say no but that didn't mean I didn't love him still. He's the only person I had ever loved like that. I just wanted to close my eyes and know this was a dream. To know that nothing came of this and he would wake up beside me safe and sound, hugging me, kissing me and making sure I was alright.

The way his hair used to flick to one side before he shaved it just used to make me smile. Maybe one day he would swing me over his shoulder and carry me away? But I knew that wouldn't happen. Not anymore.

As I wept into Lewis's royal blue T-shirt. I pulled Josh's wedding ring from my pocket and stared at it. The only thing that could ever allow me to be close with him.

I loved him so much and that would never change.