Down the line

6 - Time

I watch mom attempting not to cry at my words.

"Anyone else?" Danny asks. I stand by my mom and look down at her.

"Do you want to say anything?" I ask her quietly. She slowly nods and stands forward, to my surprise.

Mom turns around and takes a deep breath in. Everyone waits in anticipation for her to speak but suddenly she bursts into tears.

"I can't do it." She sobs and runs into my arms. I grip her tightly as I give my family around me an uneasy look. Nick strokes his hair back and Luke does the same. They were so alike in many ways it was unbelievable.

"Its okay mom. Its okay." I try to tell her over her loud sobbing. Wetting my shirt and jacket with her tears.

"I'll say something." Danny announces as he stands by his brothers body.

"Go ahead." Luke nods, I follow his actions. Mom refuses to leave my chest.

"I've known Josh longer than you all. I knew him from the second he entered this world but that doesn't mean I knew him the way you did. I know that he was always curious, always willing to do whatever it took to get somewhere. He had a good heart, even as a kid. I know my mom would be proud of the majority of his actions, his kids, his authority, his determination, his love and his wife. He wasn't selfish." Danny attempts to finish his words but struggled.

Even that mean old bastard cared for his brother. I cared for my brother too, I just wish he wasn't such an asshole.

The service didn't go on for as long as I had expected. But I was glad it didn't go on too long, for moms sake.

As we lower his body into the hole I keep thinking of all the times we had together. Our banter was my favourite, the way he used to pick on me to make me stronger. He was right, it did make me stronger.

I knew that at one point in my life I would be doing this, I just didn't think so soon. Why is my family dealt the bad hands?

I slowly pour the tatty soil back into the hole. This time raining upon his body inside the wooden box. Hopefully if he was still alive he would wake up from the noises I was making, but he obviously wasn't.

"It's going to be alright." I lie to my mother as I rub her arms. She knew forwell that things were just going to get worse its what happens in this world.

"When we get back I'm going to stay with Luke for a bit. Then I'll walk home." She tells me, her eyes red from the previous erupting water works.

"Are you sure you want to walk home alone?" I question. I didn't want her wandering the streets of Wellington, depressed. It wasn't right.

"It'll be fine Lewis." She responds by lying to me just as I did to her. Even though I knew what she was says was far from the truth it somehow made me feel better. Perhaps its a psychological thing?

She goes onto her tip toes and kisses me on the cheek. I loved my mom, she was such a strong woman. I watched her walk away and into the front of Danny's car. It pulls away without a moments notice.

"We going?" Hendrix asks quietly from behind me.

"Just give me a sec" I wave my hand up and I suddenly hear the car doors slam shut. Obviously kind enough to give me privacy.

I walk over to my fathers grave. The loose upturned soil sticking to the bottom of my boots. As I kneel down my knees click...how old was I? 21 or 72?

I knew Nick and Hendrix were watching me from the car as I bent down and stared at the makeshift headstone which was in fact just a wooden cross. Better than nothing I guess.

"I'm sorry." Were the only words my tongue could function to process. The words slowly slipped off of my tongue. I couldn't say anything else, even though I knew I had more than enough to say.

I leave my dad. Dead in the ground to slowly decompose. There was no other way to think about it. That was the hard cold truth.

I clamber in the truck and notice April is not in the car.

"Where is she?" I ask as I click my seatbelt on. The boys instantly knew who I was talking about.

"She went with my dad and that." Nick states. I knew what he was on about even if he didn't speak it very well.

"Figures" I sigh as I start up the car and begin the journey back home. Maybe tonight I could just cuddle Kelly's warm body and make the pain inside me disappear. She was good at that.

"Thanks for taking off the cuffs. I feel so free." Nick says lighting staring at his feet in the front.

"They have to go back on when we get there though." Hendrix interrupts Nick's slightly happy thoughts.

"10 years? Can you fucking believe it?" Nick sighs in disbelief and shakes his head.

"You have 9 years, 11 months and 3 weeks left." Hendrix perks up.

"Because that makes me feel so much better." Nick rolls his eyes.

"I understand it must be difficult but there isn't a lot I can do about it. If the world was when our parents were little you'd be getting 11 years minimum for rape." I remark. I think I'd read it in a book somewhere. My facts weren't solid.

"I'll be 27 when you get out." Hendrix comments.

"Don't fucking say that. I'll be 41" Nick chuckles to himself, clearly not finding the conversation funny at all.

I continue to drive back home wringing my hands on the steering wheel as I drive. When we get around 2 minutes to finally pulling into Wellington Hendrix leans forward.

"I'm going to have to click these back on." He holds the handcuffs in front of Nick.

"Well it was fun whilst it lasted. I'll do it, you do it way too tight." Nick complains grabbing the cuffs from Hendrix and clicking them around his wrists.

When I finally pull into the town my grandfather had created Nick was sulking and Hendrix was staring out of the window. He was a good guy, I just wish April treated him a little better.

I climb out of the car and study the scenery. I imagine my dad walking out of reception the way he used to. Sometimes he would greet me and Lee outside of school when it had ended. I would tell him about all of the things I learnt that day. Whether it be animals or survival skills, I found it interesting.

"I'll see you soon" Nick nods at me as he walks towards me. I shake my head and escape my daydreaming state. I pat my cousin on his shoulder.

"I'll stop by soon. I promise." I guarantee Nick. I hadn't really been in the cells as it was the last time I really saw dad alive in there. I had heard the basement was my dads least favourite place as well...

"No need, take your time. Just shut your asshole brother up, I'm fed up of his whining." He laughs.

"I'll leave that one to you." I manage a small smile. I couldn't imagine the hell it would be to have to suffer 2 years with only Lee as company. Although I know Hendrix goes down there a lot and chats to them.

I shake his hand even though his wrists were still in the cuffs. He gives me a smile of sympathy before walking off and joining Hendrix on the journey to the half burnout reception.