Down the line

39 - Clouds

CLEM POV

I needed to be here but I didn't want to be. Another funeral. A funeral to show grace to the lost souls.

"That old bastard will eventually outlive you" I hear Josh chuckle at the back of my head.

I guess he was wrong.

Even Danny was gone the same day and I wasn't even told. Somehow I felt cheated and lied to. But I had no idea why.

I bow my head as Lewis stands beside me. The ceromony had only just begun. I found it surprising when both Lee and April showed their faces.

Nick was distraught. He never got to ask his Dad the questions he wanted to and even Melissa was in the ground infront of us. Nick was going to have to take the responsibilities of being a father into his own hands. Something I trusted him with, but it was if other people trusted him to look after a kid.

I didn't want him to go back into that cell. He didn't deserve it. What he did was bad, but the punishments he's having right now was bad enough.

"Luke Bennett" The Wellington priest says Luke's name and it gains my attention.

He was going through everyone in the ground and announcing their names as he walked past. Even the mention of his name made me think about the past. How Luke saved me and got me to Wellington safely.

How we built a life here.

Something we love.

People to love.

Today the clouds loomed over Wellington. As if even the Gods high above knew that today was a shit day. Although I doubted there was any Gods at this point. No God would allow us to live through this.

Lee was actually wearing a suit and tie. It surprised me when I realised he looks a lot like his dad. Minus the low beard and moustache. He looked slightly like Josh when he was younger, just Lee had adopted a olive skin tone from me. An angry Josh.

But when I look at Lewis, I also saw Josh. The loveable happy Josh.

Both of his sons were just the two sides of his personality.

Lewis was so set on helping other people he didn't want to think about himself. Whereas Lee was so aggressive and sexually driven it concerned me.

April on the other hand stood by Hendrix. I was always confused about their relationship. I always have been, I wasn't even sure if they were dating. She was wearing a long dress, her long black hair falling down her back.

I would say she was like me, but she's only like me in looks. April was also very much like Josh. She had a short temper and she's very stubborn. Exactly like Josh. It was as if his legacy lived on in all of his children just people don't pay that much attention.

I expected Luke to be behind me. I turned around unexpectedly and then realised this was particularly his funeral. He wouldn't be behind me at all. Instead he was in front of me, in the ground.

"Mom, are you going to say anything?" Lewis whispers into my ear. I didn't expect him and jumped slightly.

"I will, soon" I choke slightly. I didn't think I would ever have to do this.

I hadn't prepared a speech but I knew exactly what I was going to say. It was all stored inside my head, ready to spill out with a mess of tears.

"All lost in this battle between land." The Priest speaks once more grabbing my attention as he comes to the closing of his words.

I stand awkwardly and stare at the floor. There was nothing else I could do, nothing I wanted to do. The innocence of the people inside the office block that day hurt me. The fact they walked in and slaughtered them hurt me even more.

Someone begins speaking about their lost one and I feel Lewis' hand touch my shoulder. Then it was quickly removed afterwards. I don't know why he did that, maybe he wanted me to look up? Or maybe it was for reassurance?

I look up anyway and look in front of me. There was Lee and there was Kelly. Just as I'd seen them before. He wasn't touching her, but he was close.

I didn't like what he did to Lewis one bit. To be perfectly honest I think Kelly is a fucking bitch. But that's just my inside opinion I'm not allowed to share. If this was suddenly a wake up call for Lee, I'd be happy. Being a father might help him a lot.

The past few days I had been tempted to read Josh's diary. When Lewis dropped me home after all of the horrific events I paced about the house tugging on my hair hoping that maybe one day things will be different. That I wouldn't have to deal with grief, but I knew that day wouldn't ever exist.

I wanted to be able to hear Josh's voice in my head as I flicked over the pages, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't read it. It took a lot of willpower to not touch it, but Lewis didn't even know I knew about it. I was thinking about talking to him about it. Perhaps I could have it? Just to look at, maybe one day I would read it.

"Clementine? Would you like to say a few words?" The priests words snap me back to reality. Everyone was staring at me, tears in their dull eyes.

I look at all of my children in turn. Lewis stands by Ali and gives me a sympathetic smile. April just strokes the top of her hair and lifts her eyebrows. Lee nods as he bows his head. I then see Nick in the corner of my eye, covering his mouth and biting down on his finger.

I nod, making my way around the graves so I could stand at the top to say everything I needed to say. I clear my throat and look at all of the eyes on me.

"Luke did amazing things, for this community and for me. He helped me get here, he took me to safety. Luke meant everything to me and more. He used to be the greatest artist I knew, everything he drew I would be amazed by. He advised me to take the paths I needed to success and I'll tell you now, I feel as if I have succeeded. I will never forget what he has been through and how he always tried to put people first, there was some days where he couldn't and I know that he regretted them. We all knew he was a fighter, his single leg proved how determined he was to survive, even when he thought he was safe. Every second with Luke brightened up my day in some way, even in his darkest days. Luke enjoyed watching movies later on in his life as he learnt to relax. He was an expert on every film he'd ever watched, since he'd watched them more than once each. A smart individual with an amazing attitude towards safety and consideration. Nobody here deserves what they've been through, but Luke saved me. Just as I saved him from himself. I wish in his last days I could have told him how thankful I am."

I take a deep breath and stare at my conjoined fingers, slotting together as I fiddled with my thumbs. I look upwards at the parting dark clouds and say one last thing.

"You'll always be my big brother, Luke."

*********

This would be a great thing to end on. But I just can't finish yet xD

This will be the last book, I need to make it good.

A chapter will be posted every other day, this way I can keep up with writing and my exams. I hope you understand :) This means I might not have to leave in May.