Down the line

31 - Hat

CLEM POV

"Mom? What the fuck is that?" April says at the top of the stairs as she sees the body I had just shot. She stood awkwardly beside Ali, Lewis' friend.

"It's a dead body April." I say with a glare. This stuff didn't bother me, but I knew that it would be a different experience for my daughter.

"Did you kill that man?" She shakes. Ali puts her arm on her shoulder. They both looked at me as if I was a monster.

"You do what you have to do. It was me or him." I say as I begin to load the rifle with the shells inside my Cardigan pocket.

I wouldn't say I was too old for this. But every year I slowly approached my 50th birthday. Soon I would be that large number. But it didn't change my morals or goals.

"Are you going to be okay Mrs.Turner?" Ali questions me. She was so kind to everyone, I appreciated it.

"I'm going to defend this area, the south side isn't safe." I command as I begin to put my hair up into a ponytail. Times like these are when I needed to pay attention to Lee's advice, I should have kept my hair short. I only allowed it to grow because I felt safe.

"You're not going out there are you mom?" April questions.

"Ali, do you know how to use a gun?" I ask the girl standing to the left of my daughter. She looked at me blankly.

"Sort of..."

I nod my head and push them aside as I make my way down the stairs. The girls automatically follow me as I walk into the laundry room at the back of the house. It was then I began to pull up the floorboards.

"What are you doing?" April asks in confusion and curiosity. I continue to pull on the board and ignore her.

When I pull up enough of the wood, I reach what I really wanted. A large plastic box. I lean downwards and pull it out. This was my box...my box of 'badass'. That's what I call it anyway. Shitty name.

I lift the heavy box and throw it to the side to open it up.

Inside revealed my tatty blue hat my dad gave me and a hell of a lot of weapons.

"Holy shit Mrs.T" Ali gasps at the sight of the guns.

"Take your pick. I want this one, but you can both choose one for yourself." I smile up at them both. Ali smiles back and digs into the plastic box. Whereas April stands with an unsure look.

I also pick up my hat as the girls sort out their weapons. I walk over to the mirror and look at my aging face.

"It's been a long time my old friend." I smirk as I place the hat on top of my head.

All of the memories it held. It held a different me. Still, I rubbed my hand over the blood stains. So many years.

"Hmm still fits." I smile again at myself in the mirror.

"We picked. What do you want us to do?" April timidly says.

"I want you to defend this place. You don't let anyone inside the house unless they're from Wellington. Shoot out the windows if you need to. Just stay safe and stick together. Please." I would pray for their safety. I'm sure they could handle themselves.

"Is that it?" Ali asks as she cocks back the weapon.

"Also, shoot every son of a bitch you see that's not from around here. Aim for the head." I tap on my temple. Potentially scaring them. But this was what I had to deal with as a child, even worse.

They both sort of look at each other and nod. I was thankful for Ali finding April and bringing her back.

"I love you" I tell my daughter before wrapping my arms around her and saying goodbye.

She looked like she would cry but I knew that this wouldn't be the last time she saw me. I wouldn't allow for that to happen.

Both April and Ali walked to the front of the house and aimed their weapons out of the windows. I trusted their own judgement. I believed in them both.

I thought about my sons. Were they safe? How about Luke? Was he still in the office block? I told him to stay there, but that was a bad idea. I should have gotten him to come with me and stay in my house. Bad idea on my part.

I sat down in the back room for a moment on the couch. Aiming the weapon and then putting it back down again. I hadn't used a gun in God knows how long.

I placed a holster around my hips and put my old glock inside of it. Us Americans and our guns. My mom was never a fan of guns. She always used to complain about them if she saw them on TV.

I readjusted my cap to make it just right. It felt heavy on my head for some reason. Maybe it was just the fact that I hadn't worn a hat for God knows how long.

I continued to hear the noises. It was insane out there. But I'm sure Lewis had it under control, I hope even Lee and Lewis could stop their bickering for a few days. Just to get through this.

I know what Lee did is bad, but he would have to suffer the consequences of becoming a father as well. But I would do everything as a good mother to get him to stay with Kelly. To get him to become a father, a good father.

Josh was a good father. When he wanted to be. He didn't want to admit it, he made a few mistakes but overall he was the best father he could be.

I looked off the the side at the small coffee table. Sat on the table was my favourite picture of me and Josh together.

Lewis had recovered it after the fire. At first it made me sad but now it made me happy. I shouldn't be sad that it was over, I should just be happy that it happened and I still harbour them memories.

I picked up the photo and stared at Josh's happy face. The smile in the crackled photo always made me a little happier. I remember when he smiled, you could always tell when he was really happy since he showed his teeth.

"We're going to win Josh. Just you wait, we'll all survive." I whisper before placing the picture frame back onto the table.

I looked so young. It upset me.

And Josh...well he looked so happy....so alive.