Red Velvet 6th Member

Attempting Damage Control

Vivian's POV

I was out walking in a park with Aera in her stroller, yes its 1AM. It's not too cold and its quiet. Yongsun stayed for a bit and left a little after midnight.

Nosebleeds just came out about an hour ago, and people are already going crazy. I do admit, I feel bad. But it be fair, it isn't all about Jongin. There's also a bit on another one of my exes that I dated in 2016. He shall remain nameless until further notice (😉).

Yes. Jongin cheated on me. I heard from close friends. Apparently those extra late nights he prepped for his solo, he was also seeing someone. I don't know who it was, but it's not who the media thinks he's seeing now.

So when I was at home taking care of a young, basically newborn Aera, he was with someone else. But he still acted like he loved me.

Great acting skills.

I don't know if he was faking it or if he actually loved me. For some reason, there's a little voice in my head telling me to give him a second chance, but if he's possibly seeing someone else... I don't want to get in the way of his happiness.

I wouldn't mind giving him a second chance, but for some reason whenever he's around, I become a bitch.

Maybe I'm just a bitch.

I really want things to be simple, but that's not possible. Especially with me, things aren't simple.

I haven't spoken to Josh in a couple days, giving him space. I miss him, I really do. Don't hate him. He did nothing wrong. It's my fault.

"I deserve the blame." I whispered to myself.

I kept walking until I saw a bench. I sat down and rocked Aera in her stroller.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I disappeared. Would things be simpler? Would they be happier?

I don't even know what's happening to my career anymore. I feel like I don't belong in Red Velvet, and who knows how much longer we'll be together.

Some members are thinking of not resigning. We're trying to convince them otherwise, but only time will tell.

I hear angry talking behind me, probably just drunk people walking down the street. I ignored it until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What the fuck Vivian?!" Jongin appeared upset.

"What?" I pushed his hand off me.

"Nosebleeds? Was that song really necessary?" He looked down at me.

"Yes it was. It's called artistic expression." I stood up and slightly puffed out my chest out of instinct.

"But did you really have to lie?" He stepped closer, and I stepped back. I almost knocked in the stroller, which I don't think Jongin saw yet.

"I didn't lie! It's not all about you! It's also about someone else!" I slightly shoved him back, away from me. I was very uncomfortable with him being this close.

"Oh yeah? Then what's about me?" He outstretched his arms in a dramatic manner.

"You could've had a 10 but you chose a 2." I turned around and started pushing the stroller, leaving him behind.

"Arrogant much?" He called after me.

"Well sorry if I'm confident! I haven't been able to feel happy with my body for almost a fucking year. So yeah, I say that I like myself." I turned back and glared at him.

"Why do you always have to be overdramatic?" He sighed.

"Why did you never trust me?" I hit back. He stayed silent and just stood there.

"That's what I thought. Just so you know, I never cheated on you. Not even once. I never thought about being with Josh until we split up. And same with Yongsun. I at least waited. A tiny celebrity crush is nothing to be jealous or insecure over. I get it, maybe you're insecure about some things, I get it. But projecting your insecurities onto me and blaming me for doing things I never did, is never fucking okay." I started tearing up. It hurt me to say it, but it had to be said. I wiped my tears and started walking away.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, but still loud enough for me to hear.

"I'm sorry too." I said, not even turning back and just kept walking.

"I love you!" He screamed at me.

"Tell me that when you're sober!" I yelled back. I smelled the alcohol on him throughout our whole interaction.

I never wanted to curl up and die more.