Red Velvet 6th Member

We Love Good Press

Vivian's POV

I was backstage at You Hee-Yeol's Sketchbook. This is my first time here alone, but I genuinely loved it when I was with my members.

I was waiting for my turn to be called on stage and I was jittery and a little cold because my outfit...

May look warm, but my stomach is so cold.

Hee-yeol called me out on stage and I immediately placed a smile on my face. I was trained to do so anyways, smile through pain and even when you aren't happy. Luckily I'm just cold and not in a bad mood.

I sat down and he asked me to quickly introduce my album, the concept, the whole shebang.

"Well, this album is a compilation of songs that I've been writing for the past 4 years or so. I've modified a lot of them to reflect my life as of now, and some of them are dedicated to certain people." I explained.

"There are 2 tracks that have gotten a lot of attention. Selfish and Love Letters, can you explain the meaning behind those, or all of your songs if you feel comfortable doing so?" He smiled warmly at me.

"Sure, um... I'll just go in order. Keep It To Myself is about a personal experience I had where I had this very close friend and I developed feelings for them even though they were in a relationship. Scandalous, I know. I really liked them, but I had to learn to contain myself and not go off the rails and overstep my place." I thought back to when I wrote this. I wrote it originally about Jongin when he was with Krystal, but it's kind of transformed into a song for Josh after Jongin and I split.

"Now Kerosene, it's very intense. It's about a toxic relationship I was in years ago. I really hated everything about it. I played with the idea that sometimes when someone can't get the help that they need, sometimes they act out in rage or violence which isn't a very positive thing. I know I'm know for my positivity, but everyone has a dark side and I wanted to embrace it. Of course its exaggerated, I'm no criminal, but it's all artistic interpretation." I thought back to my ex, you guys might know him... G-Dragon? Yeah. He was very sweet near the beginning, but things quickly became toxic. I have no ill will against anyone, but ironic how my ex and my husband ex are now together. Good for them.

"Used To Be is my twist on Love by Nat King Cole. Its modern and less hopeful and romantic. It's about trying to hold on to a relationship that used to be bright and passionate but then started to crumble into nothingness. It's that desire we all have to be loved, and when we have something we really love, we hold on as tight as we can for as long as possible. And in the end, we learn to let go and settle with fate." This song holds a bittersweet place in my heart. I wrote it after Jongin and I split and it basically felt like a diary entry. This one may be one of the most personal songs I've ever had.

"Next is Love Letters which is my personal favourite on the album. Movies influenced my perspective on romance and love, and it's over-exaggerated in film obviously,  but the core ideas and the amount of care, love, and hardwork that are put into those displays of affection you see in film, is something that is realistic. But hoping for that to happen all the time isn't the right thing to do, or the best thing to do, but you do deserve love and affection and if your significant other isn't putting in the effort to show you or tell you how appreciated you are, then it's not worth it. This song sounds like it's for someone else and to encourage them to know their standards, and to know that they're worth it but I actually kind of wrote it for myself. When I was younger, and by younger I mean like a few years ago, I didn't know what I deserved when it came to love. I didn't know how I deserve to be treated by someone who claimed to love me and now I know how it should be, so it's more like I'm telling my younger self what I deserve."

"Take It Out On You is more personal and written directly to a specific person, but I know that there are people out there who have gone through something similar and understand what's going on in the song. I'm not perfect, not even close, and I acknowledge that. I'm not here to push blame onto old flames or partners, because I'm at fault too. It's not their fault that I'm a mess. More often then not, they did nothing wrong, but my fight or flight kicks in due to past experiences and I always fight rather than stop. So, this song means to say that I'm at fault and it's never one sided." Jongin. He's all I can think about when I think of this song. I always feel guilty about how I treated him, it's my fault. Always is, I feel bad for putting him through so much shit.

"Nosebleeds is about a relationship that ended on pretty bad terms. In every sense of the word, it was all his fault. I didn't feel like being nice. When you get cheated on, it leaves a very bitter taste in your mouth and a bitter feeling in your heart. This was years ago, so don't worry. I've been on an uphill journey ever since and I don't really know what's going on with him much anymore. I don't pay too much attention to that anymore, because I have much better things to worry about and more important things to focus on." Call me bitter, but when Jiyong cheated on me in 2019, I cut him off immediately, and I didn't care anymore. I stood by him throughout his military enlistment, and he still just didn't care, so I dropped his ass. No hard feelings now though.

"Selfish is about how it's okay to be selfish sometimes. Putting yourself isn't a bad thing and shouldn't be considered selfish, but I embrace it. Essentially, thinking about yourself and caring about yourself first and foremost is very important. Wanting the best for yourself is okay, and no one can tell you otherwise. It's a fairly simple concept. I've been through some stuff and now that I'm putting myself first, I'm feeling a lot better." I smiled thinking about this one. This is a song that's ready for summer and is my favourite empowerment song I've written. I needed some type of song with the message that you are perfect, and you're the best. This album is very intense and kind of dark, so some light hearted fun is much needed.

"Lastly is Paradise. Paradise essentially is what I want in life that house on a hill that I mentioned in the song is the industry, the music industry I guess you can say. Just the industry in general or that the house could just symbolize the world we live in now; how it's sink or swim and if you don't fight hard enough you're not going to make it. And running away and ruling a darkened paradise is what I want to do. I want to be able to escape the world or the role that I'm forced to be in, and the world that I'm forced to live in to create my own place of safety and my own little Sanctuary. A place for people like me who don't feel like they belong anywhere else. It's not very connected to the rest of the album, but it does hold a significant weight to it I guess you could say because it wraps up everything like... I've gone through so much with the songs that you've heard and we end it with me wanting to just get away from everything and in the end, it'll end up better than it is now."

The rest of the interview went great. I sang a few songs, talked about my life since I haven't really been in public much, especially since Aera was born.

Things were great and I was happy. The interview ended and I headed backstage to my green room.

I opened the door and saw someone unexpected just standing there smiling. They stepped towards me and whispered low enough for just me to hear.

"We love good press."