Spencer Reid's Daughter

Part 39

I'm sorry in advance for this chapter...major TW

y/n Reid POV:

At this point, you downed already 27 antidepressant pills. You laid on your back to see the ceiling, you felt the empty pill bottle escape out of your hand onto the floor. Why did I do this, I asked myself. I mean, I asked myself this so much, I just, I didn't think I would be doing this and asking myself. Eventually, the world around you began to get fuzzy. You could only hear faint noises. You were at peace. You began to not be able to feel your body. It was just you and your mind. Then, you saw what you never thought you would see again. It was your mother's face, you were in a field with her. You were both in white dresses. She faintly said, "You can't be here now. Your dad needs you." Tears flowed from your eyes as you stated, "I need you mom. I miss you!" She nodded and held your face in her hands, "I know you do sweetie, I miss you too, but your dad will miss you even more. He won't be able to live with himself. So go, go back to your dad, I'll be here when it's time." With that, she vanished and you could see the ceiling of your room again. I can't turn back now. You heard footsteps running up the stairs. 'No, no, please no. I want to leave. I can't have him see me like this. You then saw the door burst open, your dad looked at your almost lifeless body. His eyes then drifted to the empty pill bottle on the floor. "No, no, no, y/n, stay with me." You faintly heard him speaking to you. Your dad then turned you over on side so that your head would hang off the bed. He then stuck two fingers up your throat in hope to make you vomit. Surely enough, after about 30 seconds, you did vomit up all of the remains in your stomach into a trash can by your bed. He then looked at you with tears in your eyes, you looked down and shook your head, you whispered to yourself incoherently, "No, no, no." You looked back up at him, you didn't know what to say. You just looked at him with tears as he said, "y/n- I- I'm sorry." He really had nothing to be sorry for, I think he just didn't know what to say. You wiped your mouth and sat up, you just fell into his arms. You didn't have anything to say. You didn't want to say anything. You just wanted to feel safe and loved. He wrapped you in his arms and held you tight, not ever wanting to let go of you again. Eventually, you felt nauseous again and said, "Dad, I need to go to the toilet." He let go of you as you ran to the toilet and vomited again. He followed you in and held your hair back. After you were done, he handed you your toothbrush and you brushed your teeth(you hated vomit in your mouth). After you were done, you hugged him again and just cried into his shirt. You would have been dead right now if it weren't for him. You would have been dead a long time ago if it weren't for him. After your crying died down, he picked you up and carried you downstairs. You wrapped your legs and arms around him and he carried you to his room and laid you downstairs to his bed. He tucked you in, realizing you were too tired to talk. He gave you a kiss on the top of your forehead and whispered, his voice broke a little bit, "I love you so much sweetie." I am in deep trouble.

(I didn't want to put Spencer POV for a short section but he stayed up most of the night to make sure you stayed alive. He didn't want to bring you into a hospital because he knew you wouldn't be able to be in there anymore. Anyways, you would be there in less than 24 hours for about two weeks. Almost every hour, he woke you up and checked your pulse. He made sure to give you water every hour too.) The next morning, you woke up to your dad rubbing circles on your back. He whispered, "y/n, let's get up, I want to check how you are feeling." There was no way of getting out of the conversation you were about to have. You gave up. Your dad helped you sit up and get out of his bed. He gave you a glass of water and led you to the kitchen. You looked at the time, it was 7AM, 8 hours before you had to go to what would be practically hell. He sat you down on a chair at the table and grabbed the first aid kit. Being an actual doctor, he usually gave you at home treatment whenever he could. He grabbed a few things out of it, first starting with a flashlight. He shined it at your eyes and held up his finger, "Okay, look right here for me sweetie." After that, he nodded and then he grabbed a stethoscope and put it on your bare back. He listened for a minute and then pulled it away. He then asked you to nod and turn your head a couple different ways. He then asked you to say certain syllables(making sure you didn't slur when you spoke). After he was done 'examining' you, he grabbed a chair and sat in front of you and just stared at you. He started out by saying, "Do you remember what happened last night?" You remembered everything that happened, you just wanted to forget about it though. That was the problem with having an eidetic memory, you can't forget. You looked down and frowned, "Yeah-" He lifted your chin gently with his large hands, "Sweetie, why did you do it? You were doing so good-" You interrupted him with tears flowing, "Because! I'm tired of this!" He pulled back, confusion written all over his face, "Tired of what?" Your voice got louder and broke even more, "Tired of everything! I don't want to be here anymore." He started crying too, "I know. I'm sorry, but you can't leave just because you want to y/n! There are people who love you y/n, me, Henry, my whole team loves and cares about you!" And I know that isn't the only reason you did this!" He knew you did it partly because you didn't want to go today but you knew that wouldn't stop him from sending you. You calmed down and quietly said, "I didn't want to go today because I know when I go, I won't be the same when I come back." He looked at you confused, "y/n, that's the point. You want to be different when you come back, you want to be happy. Don't you?" The real answer was 'no' but there was no way on earth you would tell him exactly that. You just looked to the side and said, "Well yeah it's just-" He crossed his arms and leaned back, "It's just what? Did you just do that for attention...so that you wouldn't have to go? Is that why?" He did not just say that!" You quickly looked up at him and raised your eyebrows, "Umm no-" He answered, "y/n, you could have died!" You interrupted him getting louder again, "That was the point! I just told you I'm tired." Then you sat back in your chair and sarcastically said, "But yeah, I did that for attention, because I didn't want to go today. I just wanted you to save me like you always do because you know what...you are always the hero in these situations but you know what. What kills you inside is that you know you can't ever save me from what I'm going through!" He looked at you upset, "y/n, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just-" You raise your eyebrows again, "It's just what? I mean-" He interjects, "It's just, I thought I lost you. When I walked into your room and saw your lifeless body, I thought you were gone forever." You look down, quit being so selfish y/n, you're so cruel. You look back up at him with tears and say, "I'm sorry." He gave you a hug and pulled you into his lap, "Sweetie, don't be sorry. Just please remember you have so much to live for. Please don't go." You just cried into his chest, you had nothing to say.