Spencer Reid's Daughter

Part 53

You obeyed and ate the crackers, then, you went upstairs to brush your teeth. After you brushed your teeth and got ready for bed, you went downstairs and grabbed a book from your dad's bookshelf. You then curled up on the couch and began to read. Your dad eventually came from his room and sat down next to you with his book. He asked you, "Do you want to talk about today?" You gave him a glare and shook your head. He then asked, "y/n, I think it would be good to get some things off your chest." He paused, "You have been acting really abnormal lately, I just want to know what's going on." You put the book down, you knew you were about to get into another argument. You just hoped it would be the last one of today. You just looked up at your dad, "I'm just-I haven't gotten any good sleep because of the nightmares, I'm just...tired." You really meant, just tired of living, and I think he got that. He looked at you a bit shocked and asked, "y/n, when you say 'tired' do you mean physically, or mentally?" You looked down, "Both...I just- I'm tired of everything. I never have any energy or motivation anymore. I'm sad all the time and scared. And-" Your voice began to break, "I'm tired of being sad and scared because it is exhausting. I just want all of it to stop." You saw him get sad, he hugged you and whispered, "I know sweetie... I know exactly-" You pulled away and yelled, "Exactly? Exactly what? No you don't! You say you do, but you have no idea what it's like! You didn't grow up scared, and suicidal. You didn't have to be scared that you were going to get kidnapped every time you walked home from school! You weren't drugged and tortured and beaten before the age of fifteen. I mean, do you even know how difficult it is to live with that every single day? Everytime I look in the mirror, I see what those people did to me! I remember every scar they gave me and just how much it encouraged me to give myself more to cover them up!" You stood up to run to your room but your dad grabbed your wrist to stop you. He looked up at you with sorrow, "y/n, I'm sorry." You turned back around to face him and he continued as his voice almost broke, "I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to be a single dad. And I'm struggling with it, it's just- I don't know how to help you. I'm trying but-" You regretted saying all of that. You knew he was trying and you just always made him feel bad about himself. You wrapped your arms around him and he did the same as he held your head with his hand. You whispered, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it-I just...I-" Just then you began to feel faint. You looked up at your dad with fear, "I- I need to lie down." Just then, you felt your body go limp. Your dad caught you and laid you down on the couch. About five minutes later, you woke up laying your head in your dad's lap. He had put a damp wash on your forehead and had elevated your feet with a pillow. You looked up at him confused and he looked down and you and gave a sigh of relief, "Hey sweetie, it's okay, you just passed out. It was probably just vasovagal syncope, you're okay now, just lay down for a bit." You tried to stand up and said, "No, no, I'm fine." Your dad kept you down and said, "y/n, lay down, you need blood flow to your head." You still tried to stand up, but after struggling a bit, you listened. You laid still for another 10 minutes, your dad looked at his watch and said, "You should be fine to get up now, just stay in my sight, don't go up the stairs." You nodded and he helped you stand up. You grabbed the book you were reading and sat back down. You read for about an hour until you got super tired. You didn't want to sleep in your own room that night though. After the day you had, you knew you would again have another nightmare tonight. You hated asking your dad if you could sleep with him. You knew he would always let you because he knows what it is like to have nightmares. You felt like you were weak asking though. After a lot of thinking, you decided to just man up and sleep in your own room even though you knew you were going to have another nightmare that night. You stood up and told your dad, "Hey, I'm gonna go to bed." He put his book down and stood up, "Let me go get your medicine, I'll help you up the stairs." You waited for him to get you your medicine. You took it and then he grabbed your arm to help you up the stairs. Once you got to your room, he tucked you in and kissed the top of your forehead, "I love you sweets. Goodnight." He then turned off your lamp and walked out of the room. You closed your eyes and fell asleep, but then again. You had another nightmare. You woke up in the psych ward that you stayed at. Your arms and legs were held down by restraints, then, Cat Adams walked in the room. You asked demandingly, "Why are you doing this?" She pulled up a chair next to you and sat down. She said, "Why am I doing this?" She paused, "I don't know honestly, I really just enjoy getting into your head, I like making you feel weak." You looked away from her but turned back shocked when she pulled out her .45. She asked you, "Luckily for you, I didn't come to taunt you. I came to give you what you have desired for months now." You looked at her confused, "And what is that?" She smirked, "You know why your dad keeps his guns locked up? I mean it's not like he has a little kid running around anymore, so why bother to lock them up...Oh wait, you're suicidal!" Your eyes widened as you started breathing heavily, she continued, "I'm just here to help you out." She undid one of your restraints and handed you the gun, "One bullet, do it." You put the gun back down and pushed it back towards her, "No." She pushed it back in your hands and smiled, "You know you want this, you said it yourself that you just wanted all of this to end. It's just one easy step. Come on, do it, no one really cares about you anyway. She made a gun with her fingers and stuck it in her mouth and "shot" herself. She whispered, "Boom." You looked at her with tears and said, "People do care about me." She smirked and said, "No they don't! Why do you think your dad sent you to a psych ward? Because he didn't want to deal with your depression...because deep down inside, you're just a sad, little, depressed, bitch, and no one wants anything to do with you." You knew you would have to end up shooting yourself. You slowly stuck the gun in your mouth, you whispered, "Forgive me." You pulled the trigger and everything went black. You woke up in an empty field, when you saw her, your mom. You tried to run towards her, but you were constricted by something behind you. You turned around to see Peter and Mark Hankel. They were holding you back. You tried screaming for your mother, but she kept walking away. You jolted awake, you were curled up in the corner of your room in a ball. You rocked back and forth hyperventilating and crying, just then, your dad burst into the room.