rooftops

chapter 42 ~ breeze

• implications of a panic attack
• implications of suicide
• mature language

//Dreams pov

I dont normally respond to any phone calls or messages nowadays.

To be honest, I dont do much in general.

But Wilburs been bugging me since December, and its now February. He doesnt mean any harm, but god hes been getting annoying.

Its 3am, and im sat at my desk thats propped near my window.

It used to be by the wall, but id decided to move it so now I can sit at the desk whilst gazing out the window.

Ive found it to come in handy for sleepless nights like this.

Nights where im either thinking too much, or not at all.

Im doodling whatever can catch my attention, small bits of crumpled paper starting to grow around me each time I fail.

Tonights been alright, probably one of my best in a while.

Thats the cycle I seem to be stuck in. For every good night, theres going to be 10 shit ones on there way.

Ive been trying, I really have. Im trying my best and I feel like shit for letting everyone down.

The band, Ranboo.

Him.

Letting him down is probably what hurts most of all, and its not getting any less painful as time drags on.

All of that 'time heals scars' is really starting to seem like bullshit.

Three months hes been gone, three months.

Im not expecting him to come back, no.

But every day I go on without him is just a day thats just not worth living.

I realize im getting stuck in my head again, something ive been trying to stop lately.

Thats how the spiral starts, I think too much and then everything just goes downhill.

Especially at night when theres nothing to distract me from whatevers going on in my mind.

Just as im about to pick back up my pencil, a short buzzing catches my attention.

Incoming Call
Wilbur :)

I stare at the glowing phone, letting its buzzing send vibrations throughout the desk.

The screen is lighting up the dark room. I couldnt be bothered to have lights on this late.

I dont need to anyways, the buildings outside give enough light for me to be able to see what im doing.

Im about to ignore the call like I have been for the past few months, why would I answer him now?

Although the longer I stare at the phone, the more entitled I feel to answer.

It feels wrong to ignore this specific call.

My gut is telling me to answer, telling me that ill regret it if I dont.

So I do, I trust my gut and impulsively accept his call.

The first thing I wonder is why Wilbur is calling me when he literally lives 10 minutes away. He couldve just came over.

Then again, I probably wouldnt talk to him face to face.

"Hello?" Wilbur says, speaking up first.