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399 11 25
                                    

TW: angst, fear of being hit, yelling, cursing, fear of losing a loved one

"karol why can't you just be happy for me like everyone else? i'm happy now, karls happy now." i stared at my computer screen to the disappointed face of my best friend. i couldn't believe what was coming out of her mouth.

"kylie you literally stopped eating, stopped sleeping, almost had to be emitted back into the HOSPITAL because of karl. he did you so wrong how can you just let him back in just like that?" karol rolled her eyes.

"IM SORRY I THINK I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS CAN I NOT? karol i'm 22 years old i know how to fucking take care of myself, i know what i'm doing." i yelled, more frustrated than before.

"kylie you know how much he hurt you. how do you trust him to just never hurt you again? how can you put all of your trust issues away because suddenly he's at you house telling you he broke up with corinna, may i remind you, the girl her left YOU for because he was impatient with you during your coma. i'm sorry that just doesn't sound like 'love' to me, even if that's what he told you. kylie i know you're in love with him there's nothing wrong with that, but i strongly believe dating him right this instant is a horrible idea."

my eyes stung with water after i'd realized how right she sounded. i'd let karl in too easily, how do i know he won't hurt me again? how do i know he's changed?

then again, we weren't dating before i dropped into my coma. we were merely making out, sometimes cuddling.

also, he told me how much he liked me and i told him how much i liked him, it just wasn't the right time to be dating yet.

"kylie please. i know i'm giving you some tough love but i can't sit here and watch you go through all of that bullshit again. i don't know if clarissa told you but i came down to visit you when u were 5 months into the coma, and i stayed there for a week. karl hadn't come to visit you at all, and when clarissa showed him your progression he ignored her. there's no way someone that cold can change within less than a half a year. i'm looking out for you because i love you, NOT because i'm against you" karol looked at my face through her screen intently, watching the tears fall down my puffy cheeks.

"i know karol. i love you too and i know your right i'm just trying to think of what to do. i'm in love with him and we just started dating, what the hell am i supposed to tell him! that i'm not in love with him? that'd be a complete lie" i bit my nails and looked to the floor underneath my desk.

karol sighed. "well you could have a sit down with him and explain to him that maybe you two jumped into the relationship a little fast after he did you so wrong. that it's unnatural to leave you for another girl and then come crawling back to you because you've waken up. it doesn't seem right you know?" karol suggested.

i nodded and smiled.

"thank you karol. i don't know what i'd do without you, genuinely. thank you for putting me in my right mind. i'm gonna go okay? it's 1 am here i have to get to the warehouse around 8 am today. i'll see you next weekend, can't wait to fly out. love you!"

karol said her goodbyes and you're welcomes before i ended the call and picked myself up from my oh so comfortable gaming chair and into the bathroom.

i stared at my tear stained face and laughed.

"karl hurt you, why did you let him in that easily?"

i shook my head and brushed my teeth and did my skin care before getting comfortable in my bed and going to sleep, thinking about what to say to karl.

shooting today was a train wreck. the day was full of laughs with the guys, but more importantly, i was ignoring and dodging any contact with karl. no matter how much i wanted to feel his arms wrap around me pulling me into a hug, and no matter how much i missed the sweet tangy feeling of his lips against mine, there's no doubt in this world that i couldn't find myself to trusting him.

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