On The Right Time

CHAPTER 15

J A S M I N E    B R E I    C L A Y T O N

scarletmiles_ She loves like an open window on the days you feel like you can't breathe.

After seeing Scarlett's post and Allison's IG stories I inhaled a large amount of breath and shut my eyes as I turned off my phone. I lay down to my bed and stared at my ceiling.

You know what's sad about love? It's when you happen to know that there's just no hope for you being together yet you still pray to make it work. It's when your mind says 'let go' but your heart says 'hold on.' It's when you dream of that person almost every night only to wake up in the morning with tears in your eyes. And most of all, it's when no matter how you try to forget that person, you just can't 'cause of the fact that you love that person so much and you just don't know why.

They looked so in love, actually.. And based on Allison's IG story 9 months na lang pala ikakasal na sila. I closed my eyes as I felt my tears drop from my eyes. Maya maya pa'y naramdaman ko ang paglubog ng kama ko sa gilid ko. I sniffed and looked at Scottie.

"Hey, baby. Come here," I opened my arms and Scottie came closer to me so I could hug him.

While I was hugging him he started licking my face like he was wiping my tears away kaya lalo akong napaiyak. I let him go and straightly laid my back on the bed. Scottie on the other hand sat on the bed as well beside me.

"You know what, Scott… Mommy Scarlett is getting married soon but sadly… I'm not the girl she was going to marry…" My tears started to burst as I talked to Scott like an idiot. "It hurts so much, Scottie… I really love your mommy Scarlett, Scott. I love her so much but like what she said… huli na 'ko. Nagpahuli ako." My sobs start to escape my mouth. That's why I covered my face with both of my hands.

It's Monday today and that means my hell weekend has ended. I just stayed at my condo with Scott the whole weekend. I don't have enough energy to go out and have some life.

"Have a nice day, ma'am!" Tanging maliit na ngiti na lang ang naitugon ko kay kuya guard at tuloy-tuloy ng lumabas sa coffee shop.

Nang maipark ko na ang kotse ko sa parking lot ng hospital ay babagal-bagal akong lumabas sa kotse ko bitbit ang mga gamit ko at ang kapeng binili ko sa coffee shop kanina. Lumakad na ako papasok ng hospital, ramdam na ramdam ko ang bigat ng paa at katawan ko habang naglalakad na para bang walang-wala talaga akong gana sa ginagawa ko.

As I entered the entrance of the hospital nakita kong papasara na ang pinto ng elevator. Ayaw ko namang tumayo ng matagal at mag-antay na bumaba ulit ito kaya ang kaninang mabagal kong lakad ay naging takbo para mahabol ko ang papasarang pinto.

"Wait!" Sigaw ko kasabay ng pagharang ng isa kong paa sa maliit na siwang ng pinto.

Mariing napapikit ako ng muntikan pa 'kong madapa sa kagagahan ko. Sa pagmulat ng mata ko nakita ko ang unti-unting pagbubukas ulit ng pinto pero labis na pinagsisihan kong hinabol ko pa ang elevator ng makita ko kung sino ang taong nasa loob.

It was her again. It was Scarlett, again. She was there inside of the elevator, standing in the middle of it while staring at me blankly and it hurt me. Because I badly miss her old stares. Yung mga kinang at kislap ng mata niya kapag nakatingin sa akin. Yung mabuhay at masaya niyang mata, hindi yung ganto. Para kasing sawang-sawa na siyang makita ako, e. Palagi na lang walang buhay ang mga mata niya.

Umiwas ako ng tingin at tahimik na pumasok sa loob. Pinindot ko ang floor button kung nasaan ang office ko bago siniksik ang sarili ko sa pinaka sulok ng elevator para magbigay ng malaki at sapat na espasyo sa pagitan naming dalawa dahil hindi talaga kinakaya ng puso ko, e. Just by standing around her makes my heart pound so hard. She always makes me feel nervous.