Love You More

CHAPTER 8

The next few weeks were really hard. Deadlines were near and I was still crawling with my project. Nancy, the girl who helped me in the shop, went to her hometown which made my work even more difficult and then there was this piercing guilt in my mind whenever I saw Drake. I wouldn't have felt one bit bad if I had not said those last line. I don't regret whatever I said to him for his shouting at me. of course, I had to say it. He had to know that it is not okay to just shout at people like you own them be it me or any other person. What I felt bad for was that without even properly knowing him or his life I shouldn't have said those lines.

Drake did a pretty good job at staying out of my sight. He came to the shop only on Saturdays. Saturday was the day that I left the shop early. He would come in at 6, I would leave at 7.

And moreover, even if I wanted to think about him I didn't have any time. I was working all the time.

After two weeks of heavy toil I completed my project and even Nancy came back. This meant that I had a lot of free time but this also meant that I was screwed now. all I did was think about what he said what I said what I could have said and what not. But all these thinking didnt have any solution all it did was give me more pain.

I really thought a lot about what I should do to just fix this whole mess. But couldn't come up with anything. So I decided I would not think about it and that was the worst idea. I used to think about him once in day, but now that I was not supposed to think about him, I started thinking about him all the time. I didn't know what to believe, should I believe what I hear or what I see. Which should I trust?

And when things really started getting on my nerves, I decided I would take advice from someone and that someone would be aunt. And as I am a really thoughtful person I thought about what aunt would think for four hours and ended up deciding that I was mad. So, after summoning all the powers, good bad and evil, in me I went to aunt's house on a Sunday afternoon.

She was sitting in a chair and reading a book. That sight just reminded me of my mom so much that I just went and hugged her tight. After a long session of crying (why the hell do I cry so much? that could definitely be the title of my autobiography) I sat next to her and said

"I want a solution for a problem. Just imagine aunt you know a person who is considered bad by the entire society, everybody has a different story to tell about him all of which are equally bad. But when that person is with you, he is really sweet. And then unknowingly you said something really rude to him and he was sad and left you. What would you do? Would you say sorry and be willing to accept what you see and ignore what others say? Or would you trust people for what they say."

She smiled for a what seemed an eternity held my hands and said in voice which made me feel like I was sitting in a church

"first of all, if you are sure that what you said was hurtful and if you regret what you said you must apologize. Secondly if I was in such a situation I would neither believe what people say nor belive what I see. I would only believe in what I experience. Zahi human beings can't be decoded easily, we can never understand what a person is thinking or what the future with that person would be like."

"Maybe what people say is true and maybe you would suffer for ignoring them in the future. But you can't let that fear conquer you now. You need to take risk with people. Now think about that person as a clean slate. Think that you have heard no bad about him and that you have seen no good in him. In such a case you will have to understand and judge that person with your own experience. So if you feel that the happiness or pain that person would give you is worth it then take a risk. What will happen will happen and we can think about it when it happens. That's how life works. That's how human work."

"but aunt what if that person turns out to be really bad. Then I would never be able to trust anyone ever again."

"no my child. Yes you would not be able to trust that one person again and that's quite okay. But why would you not trust others? You should never see one persons shadow in another, if you see , your opinion about the whole world would be prejudiced by that one person. Never make someone that involved in your life that you cant see your life beyond them. And more over what's there so much to worry. If, even for ones you feel that this person is not good to be with, just stop being with them. Its that simple, but only if you are the hero of your own life if that person has all your life then it would be as difficult as killing yourself. We need people in our life but for that we first need to own our life."

"So clear your mind of whatever you have heard or seen and just do what you feel like. And if something goes wrong and out of your control I am always here. You are the only child I have."

Hah till now it was okay but now that she said those last line I started crying again.

I went over what aunt had said and decided that he is a decision worth taking. If what I saw was correct then I would be missing out on the worlds best person. But if what I hear is true I would try to understand if it was all in past and if I can compromise with his past. If I can then well and good.

But these are all secondary problem. The main problem is would he want me back in his life? The way he avoids me these days is quite a proof that he doesn't. but whatever may happen I have decided that I will talk to him.