Love You More

CHAPTER 52

The pain is more real, more intense. He is leaving in two days. I don't even have time to think. My chest has a constant heaviness and every time my eyes turns to look at him I have to grind my teeths to stop that tear from coming down. He has always been my all in one. My friend my boyfriend my enemy my zen my family my colleague, everything. And now I have to loose everything at once. I know there is this option of keeping in touch. But I know drake, I know that the moment he leaves he will close all the options and say that it's for my own good.
"Zahira, it's almost time. You ready? "
I want to shout at him. I want to ask him to keep quiet. I want to tell him that everytime he calls my name something in me breaks to a thousand pieces. But how do I make him understand, fuck that, how do I make myself understand. I am supposed to hate him, he cheated on me, if not hate at least I am not supposed to love him. How do I make him understand that I love him and still don't want to be back in a relationship. How?
I step out of the room, he is standing there in a white shirt and a denims jacket. He is smiling at me, his eyes are shining bright, he is happy. How? How is it that I am dying every second and he is happy? Maybe he never loved me, so he don't have to worry about letting go. Stop. Stop thinking.
I smile back.
"You look beautiful. Blue looks good on you. What do you call this colour? Midnight blue? "
I nodd "you look good too. Let's leave. " I turn towards the door and he pulls me back into his arms. I don't have it in me to stop him. No, I don't want to stop him. All I want is to stay like this looking at him, his eyes looking at every inch of my face and his arms around me holding me close to his chest, I want to be like this forever and not think about right and wrong.
"You look beautiful. " His voice was just a whisper.
"You said that ones. "
"I want to say it again, and then again until the whole world hears it. "
I can hear a part of me screaming, he is lying, he is just sugar coating you to use you again. Don't fall for it. But still I smile and I feel like an idiot.
"Drake... "
"Shh. Let me just enjoy this moment, it's not gonna last long. Please. "
His hand cups my cheeks and his thumbs are drawing gentle circles. I would be the last person to stop him. His hands were gently tracing my eyebrows to my eyes to my nose and stopped just above my lips, he stepped back and my heart broke yet again.
"We should take a picture. All dressed up. " He went to my room and came back with the camera and said "I want some proper photos, I will just get Lucy. "
I took a deep breath. Just be a good girl, smile pretend to be happy for just two days and then we are done.
"Look at you guys. Full on party mode." Lucy comes in with the camera hanging from her hands.
"Take as much photos as you can. I want it all. "
He comes to me and holds me around my waist and turns me a little so that I am back in his arms. I can already hear the sounds of the camera.
"This is how we began and this how it will end. " He smiles at me and I smile back.
He turns me back so that we are both facing Lucy. And then I feel him kissing the back of my head and I leant back into his chest. Relief. Only if I could stay like this for a little long.
"Let's go then. " He said setting the photos and camera aside.
Maybe I should tell him what's bothering me. Or maybe not.