Love You More

CHAPTER 27

Waking up on Monday morning was not a problem. You wake up only when you sleep, and even in that half an hour sleep that I got last night all I dreamt about was a cloudy image of drake.

So yeh a very good morning to me. two cups of coffee to withstand this morning. Breakfast won't go down below my throat. My stomach was a mess, it would only accept tension no food. I was constantly going between two moods. The mood of 'o my god I don't want this, I am so helpless' which I think was my actual mood. And the periodic courageous mood of 'why do I have to care. Everybody in this world has ex, and everybody comes to face them. I will too. Moreover I hate him, no I actually don't even want to acknowledge his existence.' But of course how long can I fool myself.

10:30 panic attack begins. I have been running around for no real reason. I couldn't bring myself to sit down in a place. I had even gone to temple to just pray that it would be some other drake, maybe it would work. Veronica was going about the meeting. She was portraying him like some celebrity. I wanted to cut her off and tell her that it was just drake.

11:00 he will be here any minute. Maybe I will hide behind Sam's chair, he will help me hide, won't he? Or should I start my fainting act? But what if it's not him and somebody else, I will miss the first meeting with a person I would have to work with. Maybe I will faint now and wake up accordingly. But wait, why should I faint? He is wrong. He should faint when he sees me. I am not going anywhere, I will stand right here and look him in the eyes. or. Maybe I should just leave. Fuck this world.

11:15 he is still not here. Ya why not, he is the president right, people have to wait for him. Never on time. like never. I hate him. You know what I hate that Samuel, like couldn't he have hired some William or Richard. But no he had to hire drake of all people drake. urghh.

11:30 okay maybe he is not coming. Maybe my prayers where answered. But the question is had I wanted to see him? Was I waiting to see him? Okay I should stop making my inner self uncomfortable. Maybe it was just a small hint by the destiny that I still have to work on him, and maybe he is not coming actually—

"excuse me, may i?" I was searching under the table for the pen I had tossed over when this voice interrupted my monologue. I bent down my head on the floor and sat there under the table. Maybe I would sit here till the meeting is over.

"yes sure." I saw veronica walking over to the feet standing by the door. I still have hopes, it is not drake.

"I am sorry, I just got stuck up with some important work." Of course. important work, maybe kissing some other girls best friend.

"that's fine."  No this is not fine, they are literally standing so close to my fingers, one small step and he would be standing on top of my hands. uhm. Veronica bend down to look at me and whispered "come up, what are you doing? "

My official death. I stood up slowly. Wow. Hi drake, you know what I still have hopes. Maybe I would blink and this would turn out to be some different person. But now I am meeting a little bulky yet thin, a little bearded but not full blown bearded, hair combed back and formal shirt wearing drake.

He stared at me for a good one minute before raising his hands to cup his mouth "zahira." Oh, still remember my name. good job.

"oh. You guys know each other." Veronica asked confused.

"yes"  "no"  we both said at the same time. veronica raised her eyebrow.

"uh.. well" he looked at me questioningly and went on "uhm.. no I am ..... no, we don't know each other. Actually I talked to her on phone, so she is basically the only one I recognize so.... "

"oh well" veronica smiled.

So he recognized my voice too. Great. I hate you more.

Why the hell was he still looking at me, it made me sick. One more minute and I would go and turn his neck around. He turned back to look at veronica "sorry again." Veronica smiled and uttered a polite no problem. He turned to look at me and said slowly "sorry zahira." I hate it when he look me in the eye, he has no right to. His eyes has not one percent regret in them, I turned away.

Veronica's phone buzzed, she excused herself and went out I followed her. I am not going to stand alone with him in a room, never. I walked to the next cabin and sat down infront of sam.

"hey, whose that new guy?" he asked shutting his laptop.

"someone."

"okay. And you don't seem impressed by that someone." He was looking for something on the table.

"because apparently that someone is my ex-boyfriend." That word sounded weird in my mouth. It felt like I was talking about someone else and not about drake.

Sam stopped looking around and looked past me to my cabin and laughed "seriously? That's so cool. You must enjoy, there needs to be some fun to life." He looked at the cabin one more time and went back to hunting whatever he was looking for.

"yaya of course. This is so much fun. What are you looking for?"

"got it." He held up a paper clip "listen zahira, he is called ex for a reason. Just ignore him if you can't stand him or maybe just try and get along like a colleague."

"second option is never happening. Shit meeting." I ran back and beyond the door I saw drake standing alone, he turned back from the window and smiled at me. ignore him. I turned my back against the door. I will wait here for veronica.