Stay Forever

Part 16 (Self Talk)

Scene 31

Somsak was in his secret place, standing close to the lake and spacing out! While his inside full of contradicting thoughts tearing his chest up!

~I talk all the time with my friends and I'm good in gathering people around me! But I never talk about myself! What I like, what I don't like, what kind of things I went through in the past! what is worrying me or what I'm afraid of! I never express myself well!

Somsak eyes teared up while talking to himself...

~This cruel life have decided everything for me since day one.. I didn't choose my parents! My father never wanted to know me or take responsibility for me! My mom loved me the most and I was so lucky to be her son, but I didn't choose to leave her! She died and left me alone. I didn't choose to have bad relatives that didn't want to recognize me as one of their family members! And lastly, I didn't choose to be a member of a gang! But I had to be protected and feel supported somehow and of course needed money to survive! that's why I joined one!

I didn't even get to choose my love life, as Fern was the one who confessed her love to me and I just accepted it! To be accepted by everyone around me and to find someone to hide in his chest when the scary night awakens my worst fears!

~ Simply that's my life! Somsak sighed! he kept thinking.. The first decision that I made in my life was helping Aroon! The best thing happened to me is when I gave him a hand to protect him and a room to save him from a destiny like mine! He gave me so much joy by letting me do that!

"You let him go?" Gun voice talked from behind all of a sudden!

Somsak was surprised: how did you know where I'm?

I saw you walking while I was in my car, I talked to you but you didn't pay attention! So I knew something was wrong and I followed you!

Somsak: who told you I let Aroon go?

"He said goodbye to me just this morning!" Gun answered.

"Shit! For the first time in my life after my mom died I really wanna cry but I cant! Its like I became without emotions!" Somsak said with an angary tone!

Hey, don't keep it all to yourself! Talk to me: gun added

Somsak: What do you want to hear? An addition to my misearoable life??  Yes, I like Aroon!

He is the best thing that happened in my life.. my life that never gave me the right to choose anything! Not even my love life!

Gun: but, why?

Somsak: didn't you see what happened? First he almost died when the gang house was burned! And the second time he was there when the shooting started! Even if I would keep him home just me and him living in same place and him related to me by any way would be extreme danger to him!

"What did  you tell him?" Gun asked?

Somsak: I did give him some reasons, but made sure that I be harsh so he don't think to disobey me! I was an asshole!

Gun: do you think he will be better without you?

"He will be better.. far away from gangsters like us!"  A tear rolled from Somsak eye with bitterness..

Scene 32

Its been a whole month since Aroon left home! Somsak is living his life like a dead body, he cant enjoy anything! while gathering with his friends Tom and Gun! and Fern joined too. they all came to Somsak room to pay him a visit.