Journal of Lloyd M. Garmadon- Ninjago AU

I am Extremely Upset

I was just trying to make breakfast to cheer up TDL. Even if I didn't support his villainy, I just wasn't happy seeing him that way. Now I know I shouldn't have bothered. If I had known I'd make a mess of helping him, I would've just ignored him. If I had known I would find out the hard truth this way, I would have just stayed in my room.

I closed my eyes as the aching pain continued in my head. I opened my eyes and suddenly, I was on the couch in the living room. I assumed I had blacked out, although it didn't seem like it with all the disturbances going on around me. My sight was blurred and my mind was completely blank. I could hear yells coming from all over the room, most of which seemed directed at me. At first, the sounds were muffled and I couldn't understand a word that was being said. Within a few seconds of blank staring, my eyesight began to get better. I could see my uncle Wu in thought sitting on the chair opposite me and TDL pacing side to side, anger written all over his face.

I wanted to speak but I still couldn't hear much and I didn't want to interject while making things awkward. I saw the two talk a bit but only for a couple of seconds. They turned their attention towards me after their very short discussion, their faces seemingly filled with hate for me.

"Why do you always have to come along and ruin things?!" TDL said, his voice sounding dark and almost frightening.

My hearing was starting to get better, although I wish it hadn't.

"There's no use talking to him brother," Uncle Wu said, with scorn I'd never seen him exhibit before, "It's a complete waste of time."

"Are you talking about me?" I asked, feeling confused. My voice was dark just like TDL's and it came as a complete surprise to me. I even sounded a bit cocky now that I think about it.

"Don't spite us!" TDL said, his voice exuding deep anger and hatred, "We've had to deal with your crap for a long time and we're tired of it!"

"Garmadon, he's fully aware of our hatred towards him."

It was at this point I realized I really was a burden to my uncle. I mean I always knew that I was a huge problem for my uncle to deal with but he always acted so chill about it. I never knew he only put up with me because he felt he had to.

I wondered and am still wondering if the same could be said for my friends. Were they just my friend because my uncle asked them to? They do behave a bit strangely around my uncle and always seem too eager sometimes. Perhaps they all thought it was for my own good. Having friends did dial my temper back a bit, even if they weren't really my friends.

It hurt as I stared at my uncles thinking about all this. It hurt me a lot more with the way they felt about me. I decided to just go to my room. There was no point staying there.

"If that's how you feel, then fine."

I stood up. My voice no longer sounded dark and I couldn't feel any negative emotions, unlike before. It was all just empty. I made sure to keep my face straight as I walked out. I turned once to look at my uncle Wu and TDL. Their expressions had changed a bit. They seemed somewhat surprised at my actions.

"I'll be in my room, if you need me."

That last part was purely sarcastic. Why would they need me? I'm no good for anything. I'm just a worthless burden only kept around for a purpose I can't even conceive.

I turned back and began on my way.

"Lloyd, wait."

It was my uncle. His voice was normal, much different from how he sounded only a few seconds before.

"Yes, uncle," I answered, trying my hardest not to sound upset. I bet my uncle saw through it, though.  He's been raising me since I was little, so why wouldn't he?

My uncle whispered into TDL's ear. TDL turned to me with what seemed like an annoyed expression.

I didn't want to hear what they had to say to me. I went on my way despite my uncle's persistent calls. I went into my room and closed the door. I sighed to myself and let go of the waterworks I'd been holding back.

I bet if someone read this entry, they'd think I was a baby. I remember once when my grade school teacher caught me crying during PE. I was hiding behind the school's fountain, just as I had always done every PE class before then. He came up to me and asked me why I was crying.

I told him to leave me alone in the best way I knew how but he was persistent and wouldn't let me be. I threw in the towel and just sat there, annoyed that he was there.

"When are you going to go?" I asked.

"Whenever you're ready to go."

I groaned and stood up. I cleaned my tears with my shirt sleeve and grabbed my bag. I told myself there was no way I was staying there. As I began walking away, the teacher grabbed my arm.

"Look, Lloyd," He said, "Coming here and crying like a baby won't solve your problem. I don't know what it is, but you need to get off your butt and do something about it."

Looking back, I wonder what kind of teacher was that. That seems like terrible advice to give a third-grader. Plus, he didn't actually say butt. I just felt like censoring it.

Well, that's it for this entry. I'm upset and exhausted. I remember TDL saying that today was Saturday which means I probably missed a lot of school days. I don't really want to think much about it, so I'm just going to take a nap.

~Till Next Time.