Journal of Lloyd M. Garmadon- Ninjago AU

Coming to Conclusions

No, I am not ending my journal. There are still so many pages left, anyway. The title is because I've decided I'll finally finish everything once and for all. I'm so tired of everything right now.

By the way, it's been a week since the last entry. I know. It's a crazy amount of time. But I was studying. You probably already know, but my schoolwork and I are more or less best friends. If the need ever arose, I would be there for it, no doubt. In short, I spent the entire time studying since I needed to. Midterms officially start next tomorrow. I wanted to be adequately prepared.

I also spent the entire week figuring myself out. Not a deep level, of course. I'm not interested in all that. I was trying to understand why everything was suddenly strange. Everything up until I turned sixteen was a breeze. Sure, there were a few issues, but I never almost killed someone. I also never put myself in circumstances where I would avoid people close to me. Not that I had that many people close to me compared to recently.

It's bizarre. I feel like I'm in some dream. A dream where I find out I have an evil relative, a mom with a disappearing and reappearing trick under her sleeve, meet the ninjas, find out that my uncle is teaching the ninjas, Chen and Micheal get bold, and I have a new homeroom teacher. It's a seriously wild dream. Between all those things unfolding, I have worse headaches, eyesight that can't compare to a mole's, terrible memory, and my trigger words, which only triggered my anger because they pissed me off, have become the least of my concerns.

What am I going to do with myself? Lately, I would have dreams of things that have already happened and wake up praying that it remained a dream. I don't think the right word for how I feel is embarrassed. It's like I'm disturbed by how everything has happened. I don't think I can ever look at myself in the mirror normally again. Every time I do, I ask myself why I'm like this. It's depressing.

My journal is quite messed up too. Maybe it's because it was my first time writing in one. Maybe I'm horrible at writing. I mean, there's a reason I'm in science. Either way, this journal needs to be edited. Of course, I won't do that. There's a chance I might lose myself in everything again. This book will knock me back to my senses.

Okay, going straight to what I plan to do tomorrow. As I said, I want to finish everything once and for all. That is true. I am done. I am tired. I never want to deal with so much anymore. It's only been a month and a week since school resumed, darn it.

Ahem, as I was saying. I will fix everything with my former friends. At this point, I don't think I remember why I'm avoiding them anymore. At first, it was the incident at the school's cafeteria. But that's been resolved. I was distracted by ice cream, and I don't remember the conversation well, but I do remember that it was settled. What even happened after that? Oh, wait, I tried to kill my mother in an alleyway, and they stopped me. No, wait. That was before we settled things. It was the incident with Chen. Was it? Agh, it's like trying to find x! So frustrating!

You know what? Let's not get into detail. The bottom line is I'm going to settle this whole thing finally. I'm not interested right now if they still have issues. That's my future's problem. I am going to go out there and make things right.

I will also be doing something else tomorrow. I will be having a family meeting. Yay. No, I'm being serious. I'm also not happy about it. However, I need to get to the bottom of things with everyone. My uncle Wu needs to explain Thursday night at the police station. I don't remember anything. My only clue is the journal entry I wrote without knowing. He also needs to explain what is going on with my body.

All the while, I've been told I have dark energy, which causes me to lose my temper. I thought it was no big deal. I acted like some carefree kid who'd blame all his issues on the dark energy. I mean, it is where the blame is supposed to go. But that's not the point. I'd like to have peace of mind.

Then there's TDL. I don't fully trust him. He needs to know that so he stops coming on to me like a dad. Aside from the fact that he's a villain, (Ninjago's number one at that), I feel too comfortable. He's supposed to be an evil uncle that kidnapped me for non-ransom-related reasons. How is it I haven't been suspicious in the least? What is wrong with me?

And lastly, there's my mother. I've decided to exclude her from the meeting. She's family, I guess. However, these things take time. And no. I'm not running away from the problem. Not in a million years.

I'm at a restaurant right now. I snuck out of the volcano and came here to talk with a certain person. Spoilers: His name ends with an 'L'.

I'll get into the details in the next entry. Later!