It's me

(48) Angry With Myself

So this happened last night....

*****

So I've been pretty stressed about schoolwork...

And me being a procrastinator does not help.

So I was behind on my English work, I had makeup English work, I had Maths, and I was behind on my Art project.

Last night I was hit full on in the face how deep I was in the shithole.

So naturally I started freaking out.

It started with me snapping at my mom.

That turned into some tears.

Then my mom came in to help me figure out what's going on.

I was tired and supposed to be in bed and asleep by now (it was like 11)

But no

So my mom suggested a shower would help and so I went and started a showe

However

The whole time I was yelling at myself in second person.

Only I wasn't actually yelling at myself, but mentally I was.

I said things along the lines of:

"Why did you put it off you're so stupid"

"Why do you use kid shampoo you weirdo this is why you're weird"

"You should have brushed your hair before you got in, idiot now it'll be all snarly

"Why do we even have hair?

"Why don't we all just shave our hair off?

"Then people with cancer won't feel bad.

"People could colour their head with food colouring i dunno.

"Food colouring? You're so stupid."

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid"

"You can't even turn the shower on right stupid"

"Why are you crying"

"Weak"

All of these things I said out loud to myself.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

It was really weird.

So yeah