The Bucket List (A REVERSE HAREM ROMANCE)

23. KIERAN

My heart was beating a mile a minute. It made me feel lightheaded and sick. I reached up and wiped the sweat from my forehead and then clutched the steering wheel tightly again. Next to me Albany sat silently, staring out the window.

I knew she was pissed at me. I could feel the anger rolling off of her body in waves.

She didn't want to come willingly so I threw her over my shoulder and carried her to my car, kicking and screaming, just as I told her I would.

I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes before focusing on the road again. Albany hadn't even asked where I was taking her. What if I'd been a stranger? Was she even paying attention to where I was driving?

My brows dipped into a frown. We'd gone nearly out of our heads when she had just disappeared. I'd stop by the bakery numerous times to check up on her but she hadn't opened it. A few customers had asked about her too. It was unlike her to leave the bakery closed.

Severide had called a meeting and informed all of us about the events that had taken place. Albany was going to lose her bakery on top of everything else that had happened.

It wasn't a surprise when she refused to answer the calls but when the twins informed us that she wasn't at her apartment either, fear had hit fast and hard. I was scared that she might have done something stupid. Something like I had done all those years ago.

Giving my head a slight shake, I focused on the road. When we neared the edge of town, I turned right and took the road that led up to the mountains. I drove us through the woods and to the cliff that overlooked the town.

Killing the engine, I got out of the car and walked around it to open her door for her. Albany glared at me as she got out of the car. Before she could walk away, I led her around to the front and gripped her hips to lift her onto the hood.

"I had a sister," I told her after a few minutes passed and she still hadn't uttered a word. "She died when I was fifteen."

"It's not the same," she muttered.

I nodded. "No, it's not the same. But I felt how you're feeling now. My sister didn't die from an illness or an accident." I sucked in a deep breath. "She killed herself."

Albany sucked in a sharp breath. I waited and waited but she said nothing. Crossing my arms across my chest, I stared out at the town below. The only one who knew about my sister was Severide but only because he was the one who bailed me out of jail time after time again. He was also the one who got tired of my shit and decided to take things into his own hands. Her death anniversary was a day I still struggled with sometimes.

"My sister was struggling with an eating disorder. So my parents forced her into going to a. . .clinic. " I swallowed. "I wish I hadn't talked her into going."

I could feel her eyes drilling into me but I refused to look at her. I needed to tell her but I couldn't look her in the eyes while I did it. The last thing I wanted was for her to see the self-hatred I still felt.

"She was raped by the doctor assigned to treat her." Tears burned my eyes. "We didn't believe her. Nobody believed her."

A small hand brushed my arm for a second and then dropped away. I tensed when Albany moved closer until her leg brushed my hip.

"When I found her. . . God, I was so fucking mad at her for leaving me behind." I blew out a breath. "You see Albany; I understand what you're feeling right now. The anger and hate. The self loath and the thought that maybe there was something else you could've done to keep her alive longer. Burying you emotions only makes it so much harder to control over time. ."

I straightened and turned to face her. Surprise filled me when I saw the tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. Stepping closer, I reached up and wiped the tears away.

"Don't cry for me, my little spitfire." I gave her a small smile. "Cry for your loss. Scream if you want. Tell Crystal how you feel. Just stop pushing everything down."

She stared at me silently for a few seconds before she pushed me away and slid down from the hood of the car. Albany walked to the edge of the cliff, making my heart drop. I took a step forward but then stopped myself. Albany wouldn't jump.

My body jerked in fright when she suddenly screamed. I really wasn't expecting her to do as I ordered. I walked closer and stopped next to her. Throwing my head back, I opened my mouth and screamed along with her.

Within a few minutes, Albany was a crying mess. I wrapped my arms around her body and lowered us to the ground. Albany pressed her face to my chest and sobbed.

"I h-hate her," she cried. "S-she left me alone. W-why did she d-do that?" Her fingers clutched my shirt tightly. "E-everything's f-falling apart. It's a-all over."

I pressed my lips against her forehead and hugged her a little tighter. Albany was ready to give up, but I wasn't going to allow her to do that. I wasn't going to allow her to ruin the life she still had. If she gave up now then she was going to miss a lot of things that she might regret later on.

To hell with the fucking bet.

Albany belonged to me. We had a lot more in common and I was going to show her. Crystal had given me an advantage and I was going to use everything I had to make sure that Albany falls in love with me.

My hold on her tightened when she sniffed.

"I want to go h-home now," she whispered.

"Not yet." I pressed another kiss to her forehead. "I want to show you something else."

"What?"

My arms dropped when she sat up and moved out of my hold. I watched as she wiped her cheeks and then her nose with the hem of her shirt. A shaky hand soothed over her slightly messy hair and then dropped to her lap.

For a few minutes she stared at the view and then turned to look at me. Her eyes silently darted over my face before darting away again.

"Why did you tell me about your sister?"

"Because I don't want you to give up like I did." I rubbed a hand down my face. "I don't want you to push everything down and suffer the consequences of it like I had."

"What kind of consequences?"

I shrugged, unwilling to give her a rundown of all the shit I did after my sister's death. Pulling my knees up, I dropped my elbows onto them and silently studied her.

"Talking helps."

"I know, but I don't want to talk about it now."

I nodded. "Okay."

"What am I suppose to do now?" she asked softly. "The bakery and Crystal were the only reasons for me to get up in the mornings."

"Find something else."

Her eyes snapped up to mine. "W-what. . ." she trailed off but I understood.

"I met Severide." I gave her a small smile. "He offered me a job until I figured out what I wanted to do. It gave me the motivation I needed."

"That's something I'm lacking at the moment."

"What about your bucket list?" I asked her and instantly regretted it.

Fuck!