The Bucket List (A REVERSE HAREM ROMANCE)

BONUS CONTENT

***BC: THOMAS***

"Where you really planning on knocking her up?"

"The thought has crossed my mind," I muttered without looking away from the screen. "But obviously my plan didn't work so well."

"What do you mean?" Steven asked.

I hesitated a moment before I paused the game and got up. Walking over to my bed, I pulled open the first drawer of my bedside table and pulled out the letter I'd received. Without a word, I handed it over to my brother before I took a seat in front of the screen again.

Picking up the remote, I un-paused the game and started playing again as Steven read the letter. But my mind wasn't on the game. It was on the letter Albany had written me and the pregnancy test that was added to it.

Dear Thomas

I don't know where to begin. There's so much I want to tell you but I know it's not the right time. By now Severide probably already talked t you.

You're mad at me, right? Don't deny it. You're pissed and I guess you have every right to be.

Thomas, I love you but we can't be together until you and Kieran sort things out. Your constant fights. . . it hurt so much. I can't describe how it makes me feel. You might not know it, but your words hurt. A lot. Not only does it hurt me, it hurts Kieran too. He doesn't show it and I don't know why.

Anyway, I thought it would be better to write you this letter than to talk face to face because I'll probably burst into tears. Believe it or not but it's all I've been doing these days.

A few days ago, I brought a pregnancy test. I asked for Plan B at the hospital after I heard Kieran and Severide talking. You were planning to knock me up to keep me with you, didn't you? I couldn't take the pill though because the though of killing something I wanted so badly just tore me apart.

The test was negative. I mailed it with the letter so you'd know that I'm not lying to you.

I don't know whether I should be happy about it or not. Although I know that having a baby now isn't best. There's a possibility that even if the test was positive that it might be Kieran's baby and not yours.

Why do you hate him so much? What do you have against him being with women and men? Why did you beat him up?

You almost killed him.

No, I'm not mad at you for hitting me. Not anymore. But if I'm being honest, I can't help but wonder if there's a possibility that it might happen in the future. What if I make you so mad that you hit me again?

In order for our relationship to work (not just yours and mine) we need to be able to talk. We need to be honest. But most of all, we need to be able to share (that sounded better in my head).

I love you Thomas.

I love all for of you.

And I'm not going to stay until your hatred for Kieran forces me to choose.

I hope you understand. I hope that someday soon we'll be able to. . . restart our relationship where we left up.

I miss you, a lot. So fucking much.

Yours always, Albany.

Xxx*

I couldn't fucking believe that it has only been a week since Severide broke the news. Two days since I received the letter from Albany and I already knew it word for word. I couldn't decide what hurt the most, the fact that she ended things or the fact that she wasn't pregnant.

But I understood where she was coming from.

I didn't want the things between Kieran and me to ruin things, but it was hard to work past what had happened between us. It was hard to get the voices out of my head and remembering the taunts and the faces of those who were supposed to be my friends.

The worst of it all was when my parents find out about it. They thought I was sick because I had an interest in both men and women. They thought I needed help and I started to believe that there was something wrong with me too.

"Do you really want children?" Steven asked.

I swallowed. "Yes."

"I just—" He sighed. "I thought we were on the same page regarding kids."

Pausing the game again, I turned the chair to face him. Steven had taken a seat on the edge of my bed. The letter was folded on top of the envelope next to him on the bed but he held the pregnancy test between his fingers.

He was staring down at it with a deep frown. "I don't want kids," he muttered before he glanced up at me. "I can't even imagine having a family with Albany even though I love her a lot."

"Why?" I questioned. "Why don't you want kids?"

"I'm not cut out to be a father."

I stared at him silently for a few seconds before I smirked. "You're right. You'll be a shitty father."

Steven gave me a small smile but it quickly faded when he looked down at the test again. Swallowing, he pushed the letter and test back into the envelope.

"It would work perfectly, you know?" he said softly. "If we all stayed in the relationship. If we could somehow work this out, everything will be perfect. You and Kieran could give her what she wants—kids—while Severide and I. . ." He shrugged.

"I kind of like the idea of knowing that if something were to happen to one of us that there would be someone else to look after her," I admitted, "but I'm scared of Albany loving somebody more than me."

"That's not possible." Steven stood and held the envelope out to me. "You heard Severide. She doesn't want to choose which means that she loves all of us equally."

I stared down at the letter long after he left. What if he was right? What if all these fears were something stupid? What if they were a reflection of what I felt towards myself?

Shaking my head, I threw the envelope onto the bed and turned to focus on the game again. As I played, my mind trailed off to the email Steven and I'd received late last night.

I needed to re-evaluate things and facing my past was a good way to start things.