Night Confessions

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Previously: The whispering started all around me, and I was thankful to Brad as he quickened his pace out of the cafeteria. My mind was in a whirl and the black spots in front of my eyes hadn't gone away. I unconsciously leaned my head against his broad shoulders for comfort. It felt like déjà vu. After all, Brad had been the one to carry me to the nurse's office after I got hit during the volleyball match. Except that now, I was actually grateful for his presence. Now, James and the other guys were at odds with each other. Now, my whole life was a mess. I guess only one thing remained constant.

Nate wasn't here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd been having a bad feeling all day.

I knew something bad was going to happen, something worse than getting suspended. Worse than finding out that my best friend had betrayed me and had slept with my "boyfriend". I didn't know what to do about Nate. I wanted so badly to find him, to make things right. Brad and Ashley had told me that they hadn't told Nate about my past, because it was something I had to do on my own.

And I was grateful for that, because I wanted to be able to tell Nate in person, and bare my soul to him the way he did to me. Yet I had betrayed his trust. I understood that he was mad at me, and that he would have a hard time trying to forgive me before he could actually trust me again. I just wished that there was a rewind button so that I could go back in time and tell him before everyone else found out. I wished, and regretted, and hated myself for being a coward before.

The nurse checked my head and declared that there was nothing major about it, just a sore. So she had released me, much to Brad's annoyance. He'd insisted that she refer me to a specialist and whatnot. The look on the nurse's face told me that he was lucky he hadn't been chased out with a broom. I'd barely managed to convince him that he didn't have to skip football practice to send me home. He was just so sweet. And I was thankful for that. As I walked towards the school doors, I spotted Nate walking in the opposite direction.

When he caught sight of me, he glanced at me for no more than two seconds before spinning around and walking in another direction.

It sliced through me like a knife slicing through butter. But I wasn't mad with him, not only because I understood why he was acting this way, but because I knew he wasn't doing this just to hurt me. Despite his cold demeanour, his eyes revealed his own hurt and confusion. And I knew, or at least I hoped, that he still felt something for me. Almost all the girls in school had rushed to him and cooed about how pitiful he was for having such a despicable girlfriend. They were practically hanging off his arm, but he was as cold towards them as he was to me.

And that was what killed me inside, to see such a cheerful, fun-loving boy become so cold and angry.

So when I was walking home, my heart was already sunk.

But then life decided to take a plunge at me.

My phone rang, and when I checked the caller i.d, my heavy heart sank even more, right to the soles of my feet.

"Hello?" I answered, wondering if they were going to tell me that I had to pay even more bills.

"Are you the daughter of Mrs. Jessica May Brown?" A female voice asked, her voice heavy.

I gripped the phone tighter. "Yes."

"We're sorry, but your mother has passed away."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My phone slid from my clammy hands and crashed to the floor, shattering the screen into a million little pieces.

"No," I whispered to myself, "It's not possible. No, no..." My legs gave out and I fell onto the dirty pavement, too stunned to care about what passers by thought, or if anyone at school would walk by and see me in this state.

Then it finally hit me. And it hit me hard, like a car slamming into my body, as I heaved. My mom, dead. How could she just die like that? She had been in a coma for so long, because I'd believed that she was strong enough to wake up. Because I'd believed that if I remained strong, she'd be strong for me too. I knew that doctors only pronounced a coma patient dead when she became brain-dead. But how could mom be brain-dead?

Images of mom before the accident flashed through my mind. The way she laughed, the way she lived, the way she loved. How she used to braid my hair. How she used to take me shopping. How she used tuck me into bed every night. I remember visiting her at the hospital at least once a week. I'd hold her hand, praying that she'd stay strong, praying that she'd wake up, praying for a miracle to happen.

But now, none of that was possible anymore. I'd never hear her nag at me, never hear her praising me, never hear her call my name. I'd never hear her voice. Never feel her touch. Never see her face again. Ever.

The tears fell, as sobs wrecked my entire body. I curled into a ball on the cold hard pavement, feeling as helpless as I could ever be. I was left all alone in this heartless world. My dirty secret revealed. My pride stamped on. Suspended from school. And now, the person closest to me, dead.

I screamed hoarsely, my voice choked with tears. I hugged my knees tighter to my chest, feeling my heart being torn out of my chest and slowly cut apart. I felt bile rising in my throat, and mixed with my tears, I heaved. I puked my guts out, my hair falling over my face. I heaved and heaved, wanting to get rid of the harsh reality.

My knees hit the floor hard, as I buried my face into my hands and sobbed. The stench from my vomit assaulted my nose, but I didn't care as my entire world crashed down upon me.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to die, and be free of this unbearable pain.

I wanted to die, to be with mom.

I wanted to die, to escape my poor excuse of a life.

I vaguely heard a male voice. Who was it? Someone to taunt me from school?

He wrapped his coat around my shaking shoulders, ignoring the stench emanating from the ground. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and pulled me closer to his body.

Was it Brad? Honestly, I owed him too much.

But then the guy pulled me against his hard, warm chest, and I immediately knew that it wasn't Brad.

It was Nate.

Nate rocked me slightly, back and forth, back and forth, his masculine voice soothing. He murmured softly into my hair, brushing strands away from my tear-stained face.

The only words that I managed to catch was, "I'm sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's note: Don't hate me, guys! It had to be done :( but anyway, Nate has returned! :) The story would be lighter from now, I promise, so please don't give up on this book now!

A big thank you to all you readers, I love you guys! Votes and especially comments means a lot to me, so please do comment! Thank you! <3