Night Confessions

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Previously: Lilia sighed. "Well, at least it isn't the big five rules you broke. Or even worse, the golden rule," she joked. "Wait- you are a virgin, aren't you?" I froze. Did she know? Did she find out somehow? Then she laughed. "Got you, didn't I!" She laughed. "Yeah!" I pretended to giggle. That was scary.

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I added another layer of red lipstick to my already bright red lips. I looked at the cracked mirror, mentally throwing out all emotions. It's better to feel empty. I'm should be used to this. I'm strong. I'm not the same as the other cheap sluts. I'm different.

I breathed in, fixing my platinum blonde wig. I've found out that customers preferred blondes. I used to wear a brown wig, but Craig, the bartender, told me I looked mousy and wouldn't attract many customers. I looked into the mirror again for any make-up smudges. I looked unrecognisable. Short blonde hair, thick eyeliner, and pure black contacts that hid my original brown eye colour. Good.

"Mia!" Tin, one of the backstage crews called me by my stripper name. "Are you ready? It's your turn to go on stage!"

I inhaled, plastering on a fake smile. It felt strained on my lips. Turning, I opened the door. Tin raised an eyebrow (unfair much?) in a silent question- are you ready? I nodded, giving him a thumbs up. He pushed me forward, and I walked behind the curtains. Everything was familiar. The dusty smell, the gaudy decorations, the blinding colours- blue, green, pink, yellow...

"And now.... MIA!!!" the announcer announced. I closed my eyes briefly. Tune out everything. I felt emotionless. I was used to this by now.

The curtains drew open, and I opened my eyes. The audience were all men, as usual. Most were middle-aged with beer bellies. I smiled, and the audience cheered and wolf-whistled. I could feel their leering eyes roaming all over my barely covered body. Unlike school, I didn't turn red or feel embarrassed just because a male was looking at me. There, I was more like my real self, modest and more or less shy. Here, I was some cold, heartless, cheap slut. Men of all ages had touched me before. But that only happens when I'm a heartless bitch. When I put on the thick make up to cover myself up. When I have nothing else to lose.

I did my usual, dancing seductively towards the long, metal pole. Wolf-whistles and cheers and claps were thunderous. Well. I was wearing a shiny red bikini today. I better get a bonus for that. I slowly made my way over to the sex crazed guys, flirting shamelessly with them. It had already become a routine to me, my mind completely blank while doing all these. It was painful for me at first. I couldn't believe I had to sell my own body to men I didn't even know. But I gradually accepted that the world was a cruel place. I trained myself to shut myself off from the world while doing those. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. For her sake.

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When I reached home, it was already past midnight. I was long used to this. Returning home to an empty house. This was why I stayed hidden at the library most of the time. This was a house. Not a home. It could only provide me with the bare necessities for survival. Like a bed. Without its warmth. To me, the word itself had already lost its meaning. I made my way to the bathroom, cleaning off my thick makeup. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I hated this part of me so much. I wished I could just stop doing this. But I couldn't. I missed her so much. Tears streamed down my face, smudging my make up. I could no longer tell who was the real me. Sobbing uncontrollably, I inhaled deeply to compose myself. It was better to block myself out from this part of me. At least I wouldn't feel pain.

After washing up, I fell limply into bed, trying hard not to think about today's events. Every night, I would fall asleep, wishing that everything in my life had been nothing but nightmares, and I would some how wake up one day, and everything bad would just disappear. Soon, I was falling into dreamland. The only place with no hate. The only place with no fear. The only place where I was truly happy.

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Author's note: Thanks to all who read this story, especially the fans! :) Really appreciate the support!