ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | one

His Filthy Lies by LisaGraham_xoxo

Reviewer : DaniBrull

Category : ROMANCE

COVER :
I really enjoyed the cover. It has great red colors that POP! And you know, red is for passion and love, so I can totally see why you chose this color. I think it works well with a romance story.

Title :
His Filthy Lies is totally intriguing as a title. Again, a great title for a romance story. The title and the cover really work well together. Did you make it? It’s wonderful.

Blurb :
I think the first few lines of the intro are quite compelling. I can see why it would bring a reader into the story and make them want to read more! Are the spaces after a question mark intentional? If not, you don’t need them. I love the tension and the stakes here, of her giving out his business secrets. This really pulled me in. “Couldnt” in paragraph two needs an apostrophe to make it “Couldn’t” (Eʋҽɳσɾα Gҽɳσʋҽʂҽ’s paragraph). Also, a space is needed after an ellipsis. An ellipsis is “…”  Example: has kicked her out of his house and his…life, to: has kicked her out of his house and his… life. Also, the fact that she has amnesia and he pretends to be her fiancé is fantastic! Talk about tension. And that’s exactly what a story needs. Well done.

Plot Development :
This story was steamy and it broke my heart a little at Diavolo being point-blank with her in terms of their relationship and what he wants. Your protagonist is so torn and it made me empathize with her, because she wants more. Could it be the hormones? Could it be that she really feels that way? It’s so interesting. I think you did well with introducing us to the story and giving us some stakes and what the character wants (Diavolo to take her seriously) and what happens if she doesn’t get that (an awkward relationship, especially with a baby on the way). And then he is blown away by her going behind his back and breaking his trust. And again with the pregnancy and the abduction, then the hospital, then her returning “home”. The beats and plot worked smoothly, and I was able to read along without stopping and never got bored. A PLUS for plot development!

Character Development :
Your characters are very clear with what they want/need and what they aren’t willing to lose. I thought you did a fabulous job of grounding us with their characterizations. Diavolo is such a hard-hearted character in the beginning, but we learn that he actually feels more than what he says. He is also very protective of her and the unborn kiddo, and his lying only adds depth to him, which I think is fabulous.

Grammar & Punctuations :
Overall, the work is VERY clean, so well done. I did see a few minor things that need touching up, but nothing too glaring. In chapter two on the elevator scene, there is a sentence: “she breathed slowly and slowly walked out of the elevator,” I think we can get rid of one of those slowlys, for flow. There are also some unneeded spaces in every chapter after a comma, a question mark, quotation marks, etc. Again, I don’t know if that’s intentional or not, so disregard if it is. Also, in dialogue, we need a comma in some of your sentences. Example (I’m taking dialogue from your first chapter):

“Oh, you’re early today” she blurted out.

Fix:

“Oh, you’re early today,” she blurted out.   (See how I added the comma? Never use a period) That stands for any dialogue that is like the following: “Oops,” she said. “Oh no,” she gasped. “I can’t do that,” she sighed. The comma cleans it up and is grammatically correct! Think about it “containing” or caressing your dialogue, a dialogue holder!

I noticed “blurted out” is used a lot. Maybe we can axe some of them? Totally up to you, it’s your story, after all.

I did notice some typos and misplaced letters, my advice would be to use a program that reads your story out loud to you, so you can catch them all: ttsreader (. com) is a great resource that I use to have my story read aloud. You can even change the voice and accent!

 
Overall View :
Great opening line with the sunshine. And jeez, this story is STEAMY! Great job on giving it some spice! I love the tension, I love the banter, and I love the sweet moments the protagonist and Diavolo have together, and I love how complex and mysterious their relationship turns out to be. Oh, but HOW will it end? I think it’s awesome that you have such a plot-focused story. I can tell you are a master at writing stories like these. You nailed it!

 Have questions about my review? Shoot me a PM. I’m here to help with all that I’ve discussed here.