ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | three

Komoreby by SuVida777

Reviewer : DaniBrull

CATEGORY : YA Sci-Fi

COVER :
Okay, this cover is bomb. Seriously. It’s beautiful! The cool colors in the back juxtaposed to the red hair is a great idea. I saw the author’s intro; you made the cover yourself! It’s wonderful.

TITLE :
Interesting title! Also, I see that judges have told you to change it—don’t! I think it works well reading the story.

BLURB :
Love the concept in the first paragraph. One thing I will nitpick here (sorry!) is when you say “It’s everything that her quiet, old town was not”—whose? Who are we talking about here—Evanna? I think we can try to introduce her name a bit sooner to avoid confusion. When I first read it, I wasn’t sure who “her” was, it was introduced in paragraph two. Also, a penchant for all the black, eh? This goth writer approves. I LOVE the concept, again, about the gargantuan particle collider taking a bizarre turn and the effects that may have on our protagonist and the story. As soon as I hear “mysterious rocker guy” I’m SOLD. Your blurb is quite clean and well done, only that one spot I thought could use some light touching up. And those awards—woo! You have been burning the midnight oil, haven’t you? Congratulations on all of your hard work.

PLOT DEVELOPMENT :
The plot starts off with some major trepidation about the new school—and I think that’s great, we really need that! I am so glad she had Anukie there as a friend (ha, typing in the future here, to snort at this, what the heck was her non-reaction about at the party? Seems like to me she knew stuff was about to go down). The backstory with her father was pulling at the heartstrings, and her relationship with her mother and Aunt is quite special. So the beginning? Pretty great to me, I didn’t see anything that stuck out.

Oh man, you really upped the game up at the party when she barfed and fell into a pool. Those mean, mean kids! I feel like this is where the story really takes off for me—the high intensity, the high tension. The first chapter was great with world-building, and I don’t think the story should start off at the party, of course, but I felt the contrast between chapter one and chapter two in terms of momentum were different. This is just my general take as a reader here, and probably specific to me. Chapters three, four, and five were most certainly a wild ride. I think the pacing here is PERFECT

 
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT :
Ah, I love our protagonist. How could you not? I felt so bad at the treatment of her and the betrayal of her friend. The character development was great, and when everything changed after the particle collider, their character development changed into something that was so interesting. The contrast between their old selves and new ones was very interesting. I loved the shy banter that she gives. And oh, the prank and betrayal, I can’t get over. I eat mostly vegan foods too, and if anyone played a prank like that on me, I’d throw a drink at them and dunk their head in a toilet.

 The different houses in the school and how uptight is… is such a drastic change. And also beautifully interesting and so well-written.

I do have one slight idea for change (sorry again!), and you can completely disregard it if you like. Marilda’s character, I really enjoyed; however, their scene together at the end of chapter five in the dialogue was a bit of an info dump for me. I had to read it twice to make sure I understood everything. Again, disregard if it doesn’t seem to work with your story.

GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATIONS :
This story reads exceptionally clean! I couldn’t really find too much that caught my eye, other than a few changes: example, chapter three: “… a light drizzle was pattering against the windows…” could be changed to: “A light drizzle pattered the windows.”

Overall, well done!

OVERALL VIEW :
Oh my, you are a powerhouse of a writer.

You have wonderful descriptions and great dialogue, and the pacing is exactly right. I was so taken aback at just how much her world changed around her—and how strange and new the school was, yet there were a few things that stayed the same! Your writing really makes us feel for your main character—the confusion of having her world turned upside down would undoubtedly leave her confused. Where we left off on chapter five was kind of how I felt—staring out into nothingness, wondering what in the world was going on in her life, and how she would adjust to such a drastic change. I love, love, love this story. And I love your cover—you are so talented.

Very well done with the first five. You gained a long-term reader here, also. If you’re willing to have me.