ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | seventeen

Tale of Two by thelastramble

Reviewer : AruVellal

Genre : Romance

Title : 10/10

Straight to the point, but now that I'm thinking about it, it's kinda cool and unique, and I really, really like it. Yeah nice, title.

Cover : 9/10

Not something to take too much points off for because I think it's pretty. I see a couple, and then to the side, a girl, which I presume is Reign. I believe that your cover had all the right elements, my eyes just don't like that the title is placed to the side. It kinda makes me feel like I have to tilt my head to read it. Can you reformat everything, but still include the stuff you have right now?

Blurb : 10/10

Your blurb is up there among the best blurbs I have ever read. It gives enough information about the story, the characters, I don't see any grammar mistakes at the moment. And the last sentences are just so hooking! Great job.

Plot : 10/10

I can get a sense of the plot from the blurb, it's not that cliche, maybe, not really. I don't know. The way you write about it makes it seem cool. I also do feel like that as the story progresses, the quality of the chapters get better. To this, I would say, is probably because you haven't settled down on a writing style, or writer's block, or something. Happened with me too 0-0. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. 

Flow : 8/10

This is not a big issue, but there's a lot of: she did this. She did that. She walked here. She walked there. It's too repetitive, boring, in my opinion. It seems like there's a lot of action in one scene, and then in others, there's a bunch of dialogue. It's not balanced. That's what flow is all about. Otherwise, I think things are fine.

Grammar : 8/10

I'll be straight to the point here. Repetitive language. Paragraph dividing. Unnecessary capitalization. That's all, I think. I was surprised that your dialogue was perfect. Literally everyone I review messes up with that. All in all, these are things that can be fixed when you go through an editing round.

Character Development : 10/10

Your characters, their development, personality, descriptions etc. had nothing wrong with them. I had problems trying to find mistakes, because I can't. The emotional paragraphs are well thought-out, what Riley, Nikolai, and Reign say, act, and do all make sense and seem realistic. I applaud you for that.

Creativity and Originality : 10/10

Ten out of ten here. You're acing it in a lot of areas. Like I already said, everything is on point, the way you present things could be a little more better.

Hook : 6/10

Honestly, from the first chapter, I got kind of turned off. I don't think you're a bad writer. I think a lot of it has to do with the way you've formatted your paragraphs, and repetitive language, etc. Rephrasing this, your content is good and interesting, I just wish it would be presented that way. Like a cake. Yours tastes good but looks sloppy. You know?

As for being more specific, (and this is mostly coming from the first chapter) I think the way you group your sentences could be changed and you could use Reign's name a bit more than just 'she'.

I also see switches from past and present tense, and I don't know if this is intentional or not. I know that some authors write their whole book in past, and others their whole book in present.

Personal enjoyment : 8/10

So-so. If I wasn't reviewing this book, I probably would have clicked off, but since I am your reviewer, it was kind of fun to narrow-in and focus on the story. To be honest, I didn't feel a hook from the start. First chapters are important! They decide if a reader's going to continue on to the next, and the next, and the next. 

Total (final score) : 81/100

Wrap up: I also see that you're entering this for the Watty's! I hope this review helps in support of that, and I wish you good luck. I do believe that you have potential, and paying attention to the little small things could kick everything up a notch. You really do have what it takes, not kidding.

(Check out the Nyctophile Community. Now. I'm waiting...have a good day).