God's Little Secret by PaulinaKnight
Reviewer : Reeya_Reader_Writer
TITLE AND COVER :
I noticed that your book was earlier named ' The Mafia Princess'. Now I find this title more suitable than God's Little Secret. The former suits the story better and aligns with it too. So you can take this thing into account. Talking about the cover, you can do some changes in it. Make it look a bit fierce, something that gives off the mafia vibes. Add shades of black in it with red.
BLURB :
Overall the blurb is good. However instead of writing the sentences in pointers, you can combine them in a single paragraph. This will make your blurb look good. Rest, the blurb is good. It is short and catchy. Good job on this part.
PLOT :
Overall plot is good. I really liked the entire story and how you began it. While there are mistakes, yet I appreciate the fact that you wrote the story in first person. Now something that I would like you to take notice is that your story lacks descriptions. Description of settings and characters' emotions are, I believe, important to the story. They help the readers to connect better with the story and the characters and keep them hooked to their seats while reading. Try to add these descriptions in your story. Another thing is the story is quite fast paced. There is a change in story quite quickly. Adding the descriptions may slow down the story. Try to work upon this part.
LANGUAGE AND GRAMMAR :
This is the most important part of your story. There is repetition of words. You can use the synonyms of the words and phrases. Repetition looks a bit out of the way while writing any work and it can reduce the overall quality of the work. For example in the first paragraph of the first chapter, you have used 'so called' twice. Using the same phrase twice within the same sentence looks a bit awkward. Use words like 'seemingly' in your sentence. The entire book is replete with such a thing. Try to work here.
Secondly, the tenses are all jumbled up. There is a sudden shift between the tenses. Try to stick to one form of tense, preferably past tense and do not change the tenses until absolutely necessary. Proofread your work and try to edit these parts.
OVERALL VIEW :
The story is good in terms of plot and characters. I liked the Italian mafias. Keep in mind the above mentioned points and work upon them. All the best. Keep writing.
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