ʀᴇᴠɪᴇᴡ ꜱʜᴏᴘ

review | thirty seven

Trial Of Blood by Alabaster_Vixen

REVIEWER : kaywa52

Note: I am so sorry for taking so long in submitted this review! I’ve been sick for a bit now (ha, that rhymes) and I haven’t been up to doing much of anything lately. Also, I’ve just started school and I’m constantly tired and I’ve been really busy. Luckily, I’m feeling better now and I’ve managed to sneak some time in and give you the best possible review on your book!

Title: 4/5
The title on its own is good, but I don’t quite see what the “trial” part is about yet, unless you’re refferring to putting Nesta on trial. Regardless, I think the title can suit the story, but I also feel as if there are others that could work better. Of course, it’s all up to you!

Cover: 3/5
I don’t know… Don’t get me wrong, I love the cover, but I’m not sure if it fits with your story. It’s not like Nesta is some trained warrior or something, right? The blade throws that off. I feel as if there should be magic instead, to show her being a witch and having immeasurable powers.Something that matches her. And that also applies to the title.

Blurb: 2/5
I think your blurb is too short—there’s definitely more information you could provide the reader. For example, what about a brief background on this world. Mention the communities in the world, like how many there are, what prejudices they have against each other. Show why Nesta would be against accepting help from a vampire.

Furthermore, there’s a grammar mistake in the second sentence. There should be a comma between “her” and “she”, and the “is” following the she shouldn’t be there either.

Then, at the end, I’m sure there will be other problems and conflicts Nesta will be facing, correct? For example, you could also add, “Will Nesta stay out of reach of the bouty hunters?” or something like that. But, make it wayyyyy more enticing than I just did—I’m pretty tired right now and can’t come up with something more intriguing XD.

Grammar and Vocabulary: 10/15
So far, what I’ve noticed is that you use the word “I” a lot. And, I understand—I’ve written in first person before, and sometimes you just can’t find an alternative to “I”. Obviously you’re going to use that word a lot, but there are ways to limit that usage. Reword your sentence, play around with the words. Grammatical checkers like ProWritingAid pinpoints repetitions and things if you’re interested, but it can be annoying at times. Doesn’t hurt to try it out, though, right?

Furthermore, you kinda got the hand of dialogue tags and punctuation, but there are some instances when you don’t do it correctly. Like here:

“Bring forth the Blood Dagger.” She drawled…

Drawled is a dialogue tag–it indicates who is speaking. When using dialogue tags, you should use a comma instead of a period:

“Bring forth the Blood Dagger,” she drawled…

I’m sure you know this already since, as I said, you did do it correctly a few times, but remember to apply the same to your other sentences. Also, as a tip, you don’t have to use a dialgoue tag twice if the same person is still talking. You did that a few times.

To be honest, other than that, you have pretty good grammar. It’s at average level, not saying that anything is wrong with that, but it’s an observation. There weren’t many over-the-top words and it was straightfoward. There are, however, definitely some mistakes that I’ve caught, ones that you probably know aren’t correct but ended up as a typo anyway. Grammatical checkers are great help with this!

Opening/Prologue: 10/10
Honestly, I really love how you started it out. It has the right allure, the right energy to begin a story of adventure and trial (of blood; ha). It’s just enough to introduce us to this universe but we still have questions and we still want to keep going. Great job!

World Building: 7/10
Now, this world is obviously going to be very new to us readers, right? Which means you’ll have to introduce it to us over time. I know that you do this already, but there are still a few things to explain. Wha’s the mist about? Exactly what can a blood witch do? What’s the difference between a blood witch and a normal witch? How rare are blood witches? Is Nesta the only one? Sometimes, the most important part in worldbuilding is learning how to introduce the world to our readers.

Writing Style: 9/10
Like I mentioned before, your writing is straightforward and easy to read. It’s not complicated, and I like that. You balance yourself between prose and dialogue, though you may lean slightly on the dialogue side, and you aren’t afraid to delve into the dangerous depths of descriptions and establishing setting.

Plot: 8/10
I think there are a few inconsistencies, or jsut something that you’ve lacked mentioning. You brought up this “mist” character in the first chapter, yet we haven’t seen it much since. Is this a normal occurrence? Is Nesta concerned about its absence? Why isnt it making it’s appearance? The way you introduced it made it seem as if it were an important character, but now you haven’t mentioned it at all! If it’s not important to the storyline, then maybe you shouldn’t introduce so early in the story.

Comprehension: 10/10
Amazing job here! Again, I didn’t have any difficulties in reading your story and understanding what was happening.

Characters: 9/10
I think that most of what you’re missing is character building. I don’t mean that you don’t have good character, but I don’t think you’re letting their past show much, if you know what I mean. Who’s Nesta’s family? Surely she would’ve thought about them at some point, whether or not she liked or disliked them. Just certain things like that is all I’m concerned about. Another example is, did she have any friends in her coven? If she did, surely she’d think of them from time to time.

Engagement: 8/10
Your book is very interesting all on its own, even if it were stripped of all the essential elements. The plot progresses steadily and every sentence just draw me in further, even if I felt like drifting away.

Total: 80/100
Ok, let’s recap.

Cover, title. Though, I’m leaning more on the cover side since I don’t think the issue with your title is something we need to dwell on. For the cover, I just suggest adding something to represent a witch. That’s all. Very simple.

Next, grammatical checkers. I’ve already suggested one to you, and I’m sure you’ve already heard of others. Typos are tricky for every writer, and checkers are our saving grace.

Then, the little yet very significant things. Bringing your characters to life to the point that they’re floating off the page and dancing around you in circles. (Maybe not since that kinda sounds like hallucinations. But we all hallucinate, don’t we?) Same thing goes for worldbuilding. I think you’ve already got a knack for avoiding info-dumps, sor now we just need to make sure we answer those crucial questions readers will definitely be asking. And, yes, while the answers may show up later, it’s always good to answer them early sometimes.

And that’s it! You’ve already got an extraordinary story with an awesome plot, intriguing characters, and even better relationships between those characters. I wish you luck on your writing journey, and if you still have any questions, feel free to ask!